Parents

[Lil_Ems]

Hi,
I am about to hit the roof!!! x( My mum came back from Sydney about 3-4 months ago and ever since she came back she has done nothing but nagg and winge and be grumpy and angry. Im 17 and I havent been able to talk to her in ages for the fact that she gets angry over everything. I got a job yesterday and all she could say was how much do you get paid and when do you start, she didnt even congratulate me. I have turned my life around in the last 6 months I had a drug problem and i no longer have and i now have a job and it seems that its not good enough for her, It makes me really upset all I want to do is cry ;( .. My sister has been paying bills and things cause mum has no job at the moment but I just want to know why she has to take everything out on me. My older sister doesnt cop anything only me. My bf said to my mum yesterday "Isnt it great that she got a job" and all mum could say was "Yes now she can pay me back!!" Pay her back for what!!!!! I never borrow money off her i never do anything.. I feel like giving up. But Im not going to let her win im going to proove that i can keep this job and stay on track..

Also Could she be going through menopause? shes 48. or is it just the fact theat shes going through financial trouble.

Thanks
Lil_Ems

[Tora]

I am so sorry to hear you have had such a tough time lately. :( I am guessing the nagging and whinging is probably coming from your Mum because she is probably stressed and worried herself. :) We do always seem to take things out on those we love at times like this. :hug:

Your Mum could also very well be starting to go through the "change", which is not easy and can be very stressful in itself. One of the first signs when my own Mother reached that stage was her terrible moods! You couldn't look at her side-ways without her getting mad. :blush: It does ease up though, and just knowing this could be part of the problem, might help. :) Try to be a little patient with her, and ignore most of what's going on. I know it seems unfair, but it will make things easier for you too I feel. :hug:

Congratulations on getting a new job!! :winner: I am sure your mum is very proud of you. :)

I have a Son who is your age. :D He will be 18 in November. I miss him so much as he is still living in Oz, and I am in NZ :kiwi:

I sure hope you continue with the fantastic job you have done in turning your life around. :) You are one very smart young lady. :hug: I am sure your Mum loves you heaps, and appreciates how hard you have worked to sort yourself out. :pam:

Good on you, keep it up, and good luck. :D

Anne (Tora)

[Pam]

Congratulaions on your new job - and especially for being able to turn your life around :hug: Be proud of your achievments :winner:

Oh dear, sounds like the dreaded M doesn't it :( Tho financial problems can certainly be the cause. She may have other issues you don't know about too that could be stressing her out and she is unfairly taking it all out on you. Pick a quiet time to have a chat to your mum and tell her how you feel, and ask her how she feels too. :)

But Im not going to let her win im going to proove that i can keep this job and stay on track..

That's exactly what you should do :hug:

BTW nice to see you back here again :D

[Lil_Ems]

Thanks,

I have tried talking to her and all she does is blame all her stress on me and stuff. My bf can see me slowly getting depressed because of all this and hes starting to get annoyed with my mum.

Mum yelled at me cause the computer is in her room and i was using it and i was on the phone .she had to get ready to go out she was already dressed and all she had to do was put her makeup on and she screamed at me to get off the phone cause she was paying for the bill when my friend rang me and she was like i need to get changed but she didnt change at all.. I give up she yells at me for like no reason all she could have said was could you please hope out of my room in a tick i need to get ready to go out not blow her top off at me.. ;( I feel so crap.
But thanks for the advice its nice to be back... :)

[shelli]

Huge hugs, darl!! I hope things get better for you soon. Unfortunately, I cant give you any advice as my mum passed away when I was 16. All I can say is keep up the good work. You have done well to get over your hurdles!! Congratulations on your new job. I hope everything works out well for you there!!

shelli

[MissieK]

Huge hugs. My parents would often do similar things to me. I'd come home with a 95% on a test & Dad would ask where the other 5% was, and so on. It hasn't stopped!! I know they don't mean to hurt me, but it does hurt.

:winner: congratulations on your job, and your decision to stick to it. I'm sure this determination will carry you far.

If you ever need support & someone to celebrate with you, you know where to find us :D

Melissa

[Naomi]

Lil Ems, you are doing so well - getting over the drug problem, getting a job, getting your life on track.

My brother has done the same thing this year. He moved back to our home town so he would have the support of my mother to help him. Unfortunately she did not really provide much in the way of support for him - she has always been like this, not really able to provide emotional support (when I told her I was getting married, the first thing she said was, "I hope you don't expect me to pay for it"). In spite of this, my brother has sorted out his life and has also just started a new job here in Sydney.

All I can say is, YOU have done, and are doing, a great job with your life at such a young age. It is hard when our parents don't give us the support that I believe parents SHOULD give their children - but that doesn't mean she isn't proud of you, she probably just doesn't know how to show it. Maybe, like my mother, she thinks criticism is the best way to 'encourage' you.

Hang in there, stay on track, do it for yourself, not for her. Listen to the people you care about who are encouraging you (your boyfriend sounds great :) )

(And I also wanted to say to Pam, Anne and Patricia and the other mums here with 'older' children - I love to read your posts about your kids, I love the way your love shines through in what you write - and it makes me want to be that kind of mum, too).

[debambam]

Congrats on the job!!! And on cleaning yourself up!! And on having the wisdom to drop onto this site where you will be surrounded by the power of positive thinking from some WONDERFUL ladies!!!

One question I have for you.....did you get a job because YOU wanted one, or because you thought your MUM wanted you to get one?
I know that it's really hard (I remember being 17) to be positive about all the good things in your life when one of the most important people to you doesn't seem to give a @#$%. Sometimes when people are down (for whatever reason), it's easier to try and bring down those around them to the same level as they are rather than try and raise themselves up.
As a parent myself I cannot fathom the thought processes behind your mothers thinking. Not making excuses for her, but what kind of childhood /adolescence did she experience? What kind of mother was your grandmother? Just food for thought, perhaps if you can understand where the thinking is coming from it may be easier for you to cope with??

Anyway once again, WELL DONE on all the great things you are doing, it's great to see!!

[Ness]

I think its great you have got yourself back on track and congrates on the new job. Sometimes its hard your mum might be going through emotions you dont know about or maybe she is worried about you staying on track, Either way prove to her that you can do it but most of all prove it to yourself. :D :D :D :D :D :hug:

[ladyleah]

Congratulations on your new job Ems! :hug:
Live your life how you want to. Your mum will come around soon - she is probably stressed herself, with personal issues and other things.

[miss.terious]

keep on track luv...
i had parents who see all my grades on like 7 subjects and then ask me why i got less in the 1 subject...geee... i used to get mad..life then is one constant struggle to prove to them that u can make it...
but relax..and try having fun..maybe get out of your house more often..coz thoguh i always pretended like their opinion didnt matter and i was not affected, it did hurt me...
so relax, keep smiling..n we'r here to cheer u on!!
GO GO GOOO!!! :D