my ex is married and wants me to go to the wedding

[drdolly]

this is an interesting one...

Last Christmas eve, my ex fiance got engaged. I was one of the first people out side of respective families who was told the news. We have always stayed in contact over the years, and I have no regrets about not getting married. ( I would be devorced with kids by now, I would imagine and not have experienced nearly as much of life as I have.)

I remember asking myself when I was told the news, how do I feel about this? And was a little surprised that I was fine with it. Although I have noht met his fiance, from the stories that he tells about her, she clearly brings out the best in him.

Anyway... 2 weeks ago I recieve the wedding invite (just for me), and yesterday aninvite to the hens night.

I know that this should not be all about me - afterall our relationship was a lifetime and many relationships ago. But, really, what were they thinking?

Any advice? I guess I could supply the wedding tiara;):eww:

drdolly

[Alexa]

Do you want to go? Do you feel O.K watching him marry and start a new life with this person?

Have you meet his fiancee yet? Weird that she would invite you to the hens night?

Go if you feel comfortable and can be happy, you are strong and brave women if you can do this, I would be a basket case.

Are you married or in a relationship? Can you take your partner for support?

[drdolly]

Hi Alexa

It is a little wierd, isnt it?

To answer your questions, no I have not met her, but have only heard really lovely things about her. Is strange that I was even invited to the wedding, let alone the hens night. Can you imagine going to the hens night and the conversation?

Hi I am xxxx
oh! Didnt you used to be engaged to XXXX?

Regarding the wedding invite, it was a solo invite. Whilst I am single and fancy free, it would be nice to take someone along... its a cocktail party reception.

I imagine if I was currently partnered up, I may feel a little less uncomfortable about it all. is all too strange. it might be time to cut all ties.

[Alexa]

Weird, yep you got that right, sorry but I wouldn't be going to the hens night as you don't know the girl, also like you said, Hi I'm the ex...how to clear a room quickly...all her friends will be there and her family, why (now not sounding nasty does she want her ex fiancee's girlfriend there)??? Sorry that is just something I don't understand???

Wedding might be another story, think free food and grog...might meet some new people and you never know...might be a nice bloke there, but again I would not be seen dead in a situation like this, but then I am a coward. I think that part of your life is over, how good friends are you really with this bloke (your ex) I mean, do you talk all the time, do you see his family and have common friends etc? If my ex got married again I would be gutted and no way would I want to see him with someone else, but then my relationship has only been over for a little while (after 12 years) so I guess things are different, but even if my ex and I were friends in say 5 years from now, there is no way on heaven or earth that I would go to his wedding and he sure would not be invited to mine (heaven help if I ever had the courage to try again).

How about I ask you this question? Would you invite him to your wedding and her to your hens night???

[drdolly]

Hell, no!

[Naomi]

I'd just send a nice 'unable to accept' card, that way no explanations are required but it's all done in a friendly manner.

FWIW, if it was me, I probably wouldn't go unless I had formed a friendship with them both (ie not having met her, I wouldn't go to the wedding and certainly not the hens night!)

[Colby]

That sure is an interesting prediciment....

Personally, it's a bit weird that you have been invited to the Bride's hens night when you haven't even met her.

I know that many bride's invite family from both sides, friends, work colleagues, future husband's friends partners and anyone else they can think of... this might be the case with her. She's really wanting to celebrate in a BIG way.

Or... her fiance has insisted that you be invited (and that's weird too).

I can sort of slightly understand you being invited to the wedding because he may see you as a close friend and his decision is based on the relationship that you and he have, not the relationship that the three of you have. However I personally would feel uncomfortable going especially if I hadn't met the bride, and I was an ex-fiance.

Good luck in your decision... :) If you decline, you don't have to explain why but be prepared if he asks you personally.

[Kerry]

I'm with Nicole Dr Dolly, I can understand you being invited to the wedding, he obviosly respects your opinion and that is why he has told you all about her. But the Hensnite?? weird. Either he has insisted on it wanting you to meet her before the wedding or vice versa. Or she wants to meet you before the wedding to suss out the 'other woman'. Either way I definitly would not go to the Hens nite. But the wedding, Best place, I've heard, to meet a partner, if your looking that is. Weird, and maybe a little rude not to allow you to bring someone. Do you think he's really let go of you. Maybe he'd be jealous if you brought someone?? Just some thoughts.

Kerry

[Colby]

After paying for our own wedding I can understand why he's invited you without a partner and we had to make a few decisions about whether to invite people who were single "with or without partner".

We carefully deliberated over who got invited "with partner" and based our decision on whether they knew other people at the wedding. If they didn't know many people, we invited them "with partner". If they knew at least 4 people they were just invited.

He may have thought because you know his family and friends that you will be ok to venture to the wedding alone.

[Kerry]

Good points Nicole. I never have actually had a wedding.

Kerry

[Leigh]

No, I don't think I could go either.

No offence to you, but how many people do they have going. Could they just be needing people to make up numbers and look good? Inviting you to the hens night, that's just weird :dk:

[drdolly]

i am glad that the general consensus is that it is weird that I was invited to the hens night.

I think that I will be taking the option of thanks, but no thanks to both the wedding and the hens night.

Its not a conversation that I am looking forward to....but needs to be done.

Thanks to everyone for their advice.

[Patricia]

I agree with the others...a polite 'Thanks but no thanks' is about all that is required here.

I can kind of understand the wedding invite but the hen's night really is a strange one...I would just say Sorry I am unable to attend but wish you both happiness in your new life together blah blah blah.

Maybe they thought you would buy them a great gift? There is that too I suppose ...do you still send a gift even if you dont attend?

Sorry guess I just answered your question with another question...oops....good luck :waves:

[Denise]

Yes I agree with what has already been said but also find it weird that the bride to be is O.K. with her husband to be still having contact with you and agreeing with inviting you to their wedding.:dk: It would be a different story if you had met her over the years and the three of you were friends but not to have even met her seems strange to me. I would be ringing him up and asking what the deal is and if you came why can't you bring a friend. Maybe she only agreed to inviting you because she figures you would decline anyway and was pressured to do so:dk:

[MissieK]

All my dads ex girlfriends are close family friends, and they all went to each others weddings as they are still good friends. So if you're still friends, I don't think it's strange to get an invite to the wedding. The hens night - surely that's for the brides close friends, so yes, weird!

With the partner thing, we made it a strict rule of no partners for single friends, mostly because we had a strict budget & could only afford 80 people, and our guest list was already more than that!

Melissa

[Tora]

Hmm, well I can sympathise with your predicament, but at least you have the option of refusing. ;) The hens night anyway... that is, if you wanted to refuse! ;)

Now, if you were in my situation, that makes it 100% tougher, and harder to get out of!

My Sister's partner is my ex-husband's brother!! :O The hens night will consist of my ex-mother-in-law and ex-sisters-in-law!! The wedding party will be made up of all my ex's family! My Son has never met most of this family, and they are HIS family! When I introduced him to my sisters partner for the first time, I had to say "This is your Uncle, and this is your Nephew, the one you never bothered to meet!". :hmmf: His "grandparents" on my Ex's side, have never bothered to meet him either.

I just don't want a part of it, yet I don't want to upset my Sister by not going. I am not upset for myself, I am big enough to deal with it, but i get so angry when I think about how that entire family rejected my Son! I don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut if I did go!! :P :argh:

Talk about awkward situations hey? lol

Anne (Tora)

[Kerry]

:comfort: :comfort: :hug: :hug: Tora

I've no solutions sorry just a good ear.

[Alexa]

I guess just stand back and look at the situation and then calmly sit down and write a response...

[drdolly]

Tora, gosh your situation puts mine into perspective. is your son invited to the wedding? Does he want to go?

[Tora]

My Son has been invited to the wedding but says there is NO way he is going! They have ignored him for the past 26 years, he fully intends to ignore them now for the next 26 years! ;) (His words, not mine!! lol)

My sister cannot see why I would have an issue, she thinks if no one says anything it will all be ok!!


lol families hey??? :P


Anne (Tora)