what would you do?

[natchloe]

I am just posting in to see if anyone out there has any ideas or suggestions that maybe helpful.
I have a 6 year old and a nearly 3 year old. There dad works away at times and is away at the moment,
When there dad goes away I am having problems with my 6 year old waking up every hour through the night and wanting to sleep in my bed where her dad lays. She says this is because there is room, however Im one who has never let the children sleep in our bed and finding myself up every hour putting her back to her room.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what I could do in this situation? I will not budge though and just let her stay in there as this creates more problems and habits.
Any help would be great thanks
Natalie:)

[Heather]

Let me firstly congratulate you on your sense of what is right....your daughter does not belong in your bed because as you said that only creates more problems.
What if you asked her why she needs to do this....is it because she misses her Father and this is a way of being close to him or is it her way of comforting you.
In the first case you could try to spray her pillowcase with his aftershave etc....or give her a shirt of his. She could wear it in lieu of PJ's or just cuddle up to it. Every successful night in her own bed must be acknowleged whether by word or reward...you know which is best.
The second theory is the harder....do you or are you aware of missing him so much that your daughter picks up on it. You will need to be careful in every action or word so as not to give out signals that you need comforting.
Sounds like you have a very caring, sensitive soul there.....give her a hug and talk it over with her.

[Naomi]

I think your approach - consistency - is the right way to deal with it. I wish I had some better advice though, because it really is hard to be looking after the children all day on top of broken/lack of sleep. Good luck.

[Supa]

I remember when we were kids & Dad was a truckie, we often jumped in with mum coz dad was away, it didnt create a bad habit as we didnt do it all the time it was mainly a monday night as he was always in perth on a monday night, I think it brought about a closeness with mum as even now if we stay at her place the next morning I either jump in with her or she with me & we just lay & yak for about 10mins.

My DD just knows when her dad is on midnight shifts & always comes in around 12/1am I just let her climb in go to sleep & all is sweet. She has been doing this since the age of 2 (will be 11 soon) when he is on the other shifts she doesnt wake at all & spends the entire night in her bed. Again I dont think it is a bad habit more of a bonding one. My DS just loves his bed & he just stays in his LOL

[susiq]

Hi Nat - my husband also is away a lot and my oldest one does much the same. He's 5 now. Whenever his dad is away he always comes in and sleeps with me. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. When dad is home, he sleeps in his own bed and never wakes.

I agree with Heather Ann in one way - that you think you might be creating a bad habit and you need to be consistent and continue with what you're doing.

BUT at the same time, I find that it is only whenever dad is away but not every single time. I don't think it causes any harm to let them into your bed. They probably are doing for themselves and you for comfort and closeness.

I guess you really know what you would prefer and if you would rather not have her in your bed, continue with the putting back into her bed even if it's every hour. I do admire you though for keeping it up!

Good luck!

[miss kiki]

i have to agree with the girls..with heather and also with supa. it can be just to comfort you, but it can also be for bonding..i know that when my mom was working the night shift at the hospital, i always wanted to sleep in bed with my dad-he wouldn't allow it though, and it hurt me so much that i couldn't..i guess i just felt the need to sleep with someone since my mom was at work and i felt lonely i suppose. i still do lay in bed with my mom though. i can't tell you how many times i slept with her after my dad left..i slept with her up until the age of 18 and last year i did too, in croatia for my brother's wedding.

[Barbara]

I agree with Heather and was going to suggest the same thing (shirt or something similar and a reward chart).

Is it possible for her dad to bring something special home for her to sleep with to remind her of him - a teddy bear or some other soft toy which can give her some comfort? You could both explain to her what it is for - I know she is only 6 but they are pretty smart at that age and I'm sure she would understand.

I hope you can work something out - good luck with it all - let us know how you go :)

[kezabelle]

6 is around the age they start to dream more vividly, and even though it's not scary, it disturbs them. That could be adding to the dad's away thing. Maybe a night light in her room or something? My daughter has always slept in a very dark room, but at that age she needed to be able to see things when she woke up. She is now back to a dark room at 8. But defintiely stick with your consistency in putting her back to bed - as exhausting as that is for you!

[Cherie]

I was going to suggest a night light, I did that for my GD who lives with me, but after a while we just stopped that and she is fine now. Although if she gets upset with anything the parents do, the light goes back on for about a week. she is 10. Has been good for quite a while now thank goodness.

[kimba]

Probably just keep doing what u have been:)She will eventually grow out of it:)

[lucyloo]

She obviously knows when her dad isn't there, and she wants comfort from you. To me it isn't a big deal, I would let her in my bed, and you will find when dad is home she will be more content and sleep in her own bed. Before you know she will be 15 and want nothing to do with you!!!:)

[miss kiki]

the same here with the kiddies. they don't have a night light, so we just turn their lights on and dim them. then before we go up to sleep, we turn them off. sometimes in the morning, richie's light will be turned back on, but becca now doesn't need a light. we constantly keep the bathroom light dimmed, in case they need to use the bathroom, so the light from there is good enough for becca.

[dragonfly97]

i agree she needs more att. when daddy is gone and it will hopefully pass