Gyno Appointment Today.

[miss kiki]

i had a gyno appointment today. my mom made the appointment and wasn't able to make it, so she wanted me to go. it was a different doctor-a female..my other one is a male. anyway, i was there for two hours, but it was well worth it! the doctor actually sat there with me and answered a few questions that i've had and wasn't able to ask my male doctor-he always seemed to be in a rush and i thought i felt really comfortable with him, but i guess not! i also got my HPV vaccine done..well, at least one of the 3 shots!
anyway, i asked her since i had my abortion, do i have a higher risk of getting a miscarriage if i do get pregnant again? she said no..anyone can have a miscarriage..so i was kind of relieved in a way. then i told her that my DF has a vasectomy and will i have problems getting preg again? she said i most likely will and that i might not even get pregnant! i was pretty upset when she said that, but i'm happy that she told me what i needed to know. she said that we'd have to go to his urologist to find out more information on it..so of course i told my DF what she said..he made a sigh..not sure if it was a good or bad one..and then i said to him that we should make him an appointment soon, just to see what the urologist says..obviously we don't have $4000 to reverse it anytime soon. he said ok..so hopefully we'll go soon..
been feeling down lately about having my abortion. i've been regretting it alot, i don't know why..maybe it's just a phase. i couldn't look at little babies today while waiting for me to be called in to the office..it brought tears to my eyes. i hope it gets easier though in the next few days. don't want to show or tell my DF that i'm upset about it, even though he knew i was at the doctor's today..i guess i feel like i'll never have one of my own and i once did and gave it up..
my mom even has one of those chinese calendar things to see if the baby is a boy or girl..it's a chart and you see the month the baby was conceived, the age the women will be when she has the baby, and then you see if it'll be a boy or girl. supposedly mine would have been a boy..and it says that my SIL is having a girl..i guess we'll just have to wait and see what the outcome will be.

[Rachel]

Well I am glad that your questions have been answered :) As for the abortion try to think about the reason you had it and also the fact that you may not have the life you have now with your DF, Becca and Richie who are probably the most important people in your life right now! It took me about 3 years to fall pregnant and I really hope I can have at least another 1 baby and both my partner and I have no reason why we couldn't fall pregnant easily.. You may end up being one of the lucky ones who get pregnant soon after a vasectomy reversal so try not to worry until the time comes :hug: At least it may encourage your DF to get to the urologist and get some more information :)

[mel35]

I know of quite a few men who have gone on to have children after a vasectomy reversal, the odds are with you on that one, good luck with it all.:)
There are always going to be moments throughout your life when you regret having a pregnancy termination but you have to remember that at the time you made the right decision for you then. Hope your feeling more comfortable about it all soon:hug:

[Naomi]

You are still really young (argh, I used to hate it when people said that to me when I was having difficulty getting pregnant!!) and while it might feel like a distant dream right now, you have so many options before you need to worry about it. Book an appointment with the urologist, just so you have the knowledge that you are doing *something* ... and maybe consider getting some counseling to work through your feelings regarding the abortion.

According to the Chinese prediction chart, Hugo was going to be a girl LMAO

[miss kiki]

you're so right..i'm always thinking negative and i don't want him to know what i'm thinking, because i know he's going to say, "stop being negative"..sorry, i'm just like that and i know it doesn't do me or anyone else any good when i am like that..you may be right..i just need to think positive and hope for the best for my future. it's not like i want a baby right now..i need to work and we're not even married yet, so time will only tell. i just feel like by that time, it'll be too late for him to even get it reversed..even though he went to the doctor that did his vasectomy a couple years ago and still said he's producing! :hehe: and yeah, it did encourage me even more, so hopefully it'll encourage him too. thanks rach!

thank you mel..just knowing that you know a few that were able to have children makes me feel more positive.
and thanks naomi. i definitely feel that counseling would benefit me, but with me not having a car and with me still in school at night, it's going to have to wait till january at least..when i'm done with school and will be able to make an appointment where it won't interfere with anything. i was actually supposed to be a boy, but my sister and brother were correct when it came to the chinese chart.

[Rachel]

Just for the record Christina I don't think you are negative :) I think that you are a normal 21 year old girl who has hopes, dreams and fears about the future and are very open and honest about it! I am just trying to give you a little reassurance :)

[kezabelle]

It will all work out the best one way or the other - I used to hate when people said that to me Naomi - but it's true... At least you have some answers and a place to start. As for the termination, you had your reasons at the time. I would imagine it's natural to wonder and to feel bad at times, just so long as you don't let those feelings take over.

The chart was wrong for number 1, right for 2 and 3, and we'll see for number 4.

[miss kiki]

you're right..i should tell my DF that the next time he says i'm negative! LOL.
it's hard at times, but i know i'll regret it more if i can't get pregnant with my DF..i guess that's when me being scared comes in!
let us know if it's right for your 4th keza!

[mummy1987]

kiki just wondering. did your DF have to get a vasectomy otherwise why did he get it if he wanted children. i only ask coz i thought most people get a vasectomy when they r married and finished having children?

[kimba]

kiki just wondering. did your DF have to get a vasectomy otherwise why did he get it if he wanted children. i only ask coz i thought most people get a vasectomy when they r married and finished having children?

Sorry to answer partially for u Kiki:)Kiki's DF was married before and had children during that relationship:)
Kiki u obviously had your reasons for having the abortion and they would have been right at the time.It is only natural that u are going to think about it from time to time(especially at this time when u are thinking about having kids:)). Chin up, u r young and I am sure everything will work out fine:D

[Mint Car]

I'm glad she was able to answer some of your questions and make you feel better. Just have a doctor that will take the time for you can be so helpful.

About your abortion, I have totally been there so many times. There was a time after mine that seeing pregnant women or babies or anything relate to pregnancy hurt so much. Just try to remember your reasons for having an abortion and focus on the fact that you're still so young and you have a lot of years ahead of you for having babies. It does get easier with time, I promise.

[Mad Old Cow]

Kiki, i also know a couple of people that my DD is friends with & their hubbys have had the vasectomy reversed & all have had more kids.
I would love to see you go to councelling about your abortion it really should help you to understand yourself a lot better & then you might not dwell on it. you did what you felt you had to do at the time,
Be sure to go with your DF when he goes to see about a reversal so as you fully understand everything .
as you said kiki you do have to finish school & get a job so i knoe it's easy to say but if you can you just need to focus on your life at present & just be happy knowing that their is a future & your will be a good one

[miss kiki]

it's ok kimba..thanks for answering for me..yeah, that's pretty much what had happened..she made him get it done, just like she made her hubby now get it done. poor guy, feel so bloody bad for him! i guess it's harder that i'm taking care of his kids and knowing that i might not have my own one day..

thanks mint car. i wasn't like this after it though..i guess i just totally blocked all my emotions and pretended as if it never existed..even right after when i walked out of the clinic..it's a year and a half now and now it's really bothering me?! i don't understand that..i have to admit though that i felt the same way with seeing pregnant women and newborns..it was easy! and now it's hard..hopefully it'll pass.

i definitely want to go, but with not having a car during the day and having school at night, only gives me an hour or two from when my DF comes home from work and when i have to go to school. so that wouldn't work right now..i definitely will be going with him when he sees the doctor..you're right..i should just focus on my life now and just let everything slide into place gradually. thanks MOC.

[Mint Car]

it's a year and a half now and now it's really bothering me?!
It happens. I've met people on message boards and stuff who say it was years before they felt anything negative about their abortion. I've actually talked to people who started to regret it when they were thinking about having kids and the possibility that they might not be able to and that they "lost their opportunity" I kinda wonder if that might be what's happening with you. You're wondering if you might not be able to have children with your DF and are regretting it now as a result.

I actually now consider my abortion the best decision I ever made, but there was a time when that wasn't the case.

[miss kiki]

that makes sense..so i guess it's a normal feeling then to feel regret long after you had the procedure done. even had tears in my eyes when i had to fill out new patient forms yesterday and put ABORTION on it..UGH. makes me feel horrible. but my chin is up today and i'm sure i'll get by just fine. after all, i have tons of support here!

[dragonfly97]

i agree with what the other ladies said and good luck hunny

[mummy1987]

oh i see kiki. i didnt even know it could be reversed so i guess thats a good thing. so u dont have children kiki?? the ones u have talked about are his? sorry i obviously dont know much! i hope it all works out for u!

[miss kiki]

thank you!
and yeah..i don't have any. but i do consider his kids mine, since the mom pretty much doesn't want to have anything to do with them. it's a bit confusing at first, because there's so many people and all their problems and life styles on here, but after awhile you'll know everyone by name and you'll know their family members' names, etc. you'll get there in no time!

[mummy1987]

ok thats great that his kids still feel like your own but i hope u still get to have your own one some day as it will be a wonderful experience for u.

[miss kiki]

i hope so too tiff..i really do!

my sister and i didn't go to sleep until 2 a.m. a couple nights ago..we just kept talking and talking and that subject came up..it's so hard for the both of us, but i think everything happens for a reason..and maybe we both had it done, which did bring us closer in a different way, and for us to support one another and be there for one another also..it felt good to talk to her about it and cry our eyes out.

[mummy1987]

oh it is always good to get those things off your chest and have a good cry as that keeps us sane and even better that it was your sis!

[kimba]

It always helps to talk to someone who has been thru the same or a similiar experience:)

[miss kiki]

it definitely does. to keep it inside for awhile and have no one to talk to about it is so hard..so i was happy we caught up on our lives and then it veered to that conversation..i know she didn't want to talk about it, but i kept going, because i feel that you need to talk about it, let all your frustrations out, and just cry..we had both different experiences with that, but all in all, we both did get it done and it's hard for the both of us..i just can't wait to go there next weekend again and bond like we did this past weekend. it was hard to the last time i was there, because her friend came over and slept over, so it wasn't much talking, but i'm happy we're pretty close and i know i can always talk to her about anything. (oh and she applied to a few jobs and one place in new york city called her back, so she starts tomorrow! i'm so excited for her!)

[mummy1987]

thats great. good luck to her with the job and how old is your sis?

[miss kiki]

she's a year older than me..she is 22. my b'day is october 11th and she's the 12th..so pretty much a year apart! we're so different though, it's funny. i'm short, she's tall, and we are nothing alike. and thanks! :)

[mummy1987]

no worries its good u r so close but!

[miss kiki]

we're close, but a different type of close! only because we're so different and want opposite things in life and are going through opposite things now.

[mummy1987]

well the sayin is opposites attract so thats prob why u still get along well!

[miss kiki]

very true! :)

[dragonfly97]

i am glad you guys had a good time and got to talk some good luck to sis with her new job take care

[Manda]

Kiki- I too have had a pregnancy termination (Several years ago- I was 17) It is hard, although it never goes away it does get easier. I was like you, at first it didnt really bother me, then i just woke up oneday and realised i was living in denial.It was only then that i was able to go thru the all the emotions, All the ups and downs (I knew every "what would have been important dates Ie birthdays etc) For a long time i lived with the hurt, i thought that it was only right that i did too, i saw the guilt and the pain as my punishment. That was all accelerated when i fell pregnant with dylan. But over time i came to realise that i dont have to live the rest of my life feeling that way, I shouldnt feel guilty because i did what in hindsight was the best thing at the time. (even tho the main reason i did it was because i was pressured to)...but hindsight is a wonderful thing sometimes.

There are many tough times beyond a pregnancy termination, many emotions surface. All i can say is try and keep working thru them, Dont deny yourself feeling them but dont let yourself get stuck with them either, you have to come out the otherside IYKWIM. As soon as its possible for you to go to a councillor, please do that. I wish i had.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

[miss kiki]

thanks dragonfly for wishing my sister luck!

i felt pressured also in a way manda and thank you for sharing your story with me..it means alot to me to know someone out there was once feeling the same thing i am feeling now. you feel so alone when you're in that guilt and denial stage, you know what i mean?! thinking that you have no one to talk to about it, because you don't know who to talk to..BUT it was good to vent to my sister about it and cry together because of it..(she had an abortion also.) but she rather not talk about it because she's worse than i am! hers was more recent, so i guess that's why?! who knows!

my DF and i constantly get into a little debate because i feel guilty for wanting kids with him when i terminated my own child..the circumstance i was in kept telling me i should do it-not being financially stable, just started college, and not knowing who the father was. it was horrible. and then my mom guilt tripping me saying that i'm going to have to stop school and sit home all day with my child-making it seem so bad, when i know it can't be SO bad..all these thoughts were running in my mind and i just did it. last week we had a little disagreement and it turned into me crying saying that i don't want kids because i wouldn't be a good parent due to what i did when i was pregnant. then my DF ranted and raved that i would be, i can't live in the past, yadda yadda. it comes and goes, but overall i'm fine. he's confused himself because i constantly change my mind with us having kids-even though it's up in the air if we can even have any..but i eventually told him i do want kids and he still hasn't made himself an appointment..GO FIGURE! LMAO will be reminding him soon to make one..only to see out of curiosity and it'll set my head at ease at least!