Long Time No See... need advice

[Angeleyes]

I'm so sorry I joined here a while ago and became so busy that I never got into the habit of posting. I was too busy training for a new career move, as well as running my own (pet) forums, caring for my sick dog, and just when everything calmed down for me... things get crazy again!

I spent a month away from my family to do part of the training program for my new job, I'm a pharma rep. I couldn't even come home on weekends. I've only been actually working in my new career since late June and they recently announced lay offs... I'm so depressed. I left a good job, and put in all of that hard work, for what? I hope I'm not included in the lay-offs but my stress and anxiety level is through the roof anyway.

That's why I'm posting. I really don't know if this is the proper forum... but I think so. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy and I can't take it anymore. My fiancee's mother and sister are hard to deal with... but mainly the sister is just evil spawn. The mother means well, the sister is just mean and competitive and manipulative... well, the mother is manipulative too.

I swear I can go on and on for hours about the stuff they've done to me. My fiancee knows it, but tries to keep the peace. It stresses him out... knowing how they are... so I bottle a lot up to avoid upsetting him too. His father died of pancreatic cancer (within 40 days of diagnosis) and ever since then they've been horrible... I guess he was the one who kept them and their immature ways in check. They were always immature, catty, etc... but never to this extent.

We'll be moving about 45 minutes away before the wedding... we're currently looking for a house... I can't wait!!!

Basically, I feel like they get to me the most... but that I'm growing cold to relationships in general. I'm the type of person that will bend over backwards for you, I think it's safe to say I'm considerate, caring, and thoughtful... never jealous or manipulative. I'm actually looking into seeing a shrink because I get so hurt that my heart actually hurts, my stomach drops... it's insane that emotions can affect me so much physically.

One of the main problems is that most people think I'm this strong and independant person who they can throw everything on and I can handle it... or help them handle it. Eventually I feel like breaking too... but lately I've just been at an elevated level of "almost breaking" lately and I hate being that way. I WANT to be relaxed and calm... but I feel like a nervous wreck!!!

I just don't know what to do... I don't even know if I'm trying to vent or ask for advice... I just didn't know where else to go. Unfortunately some of the friends I have on my pet forums have upset me recently too... so I don't even feel like opening up to them. :(

I just feel like aside from my career possibly being in danger (i'll find out for sure on Wednesday of next week) everything else should be good! I'm engaged to a fantastic guy, have a beautiful snuggle butt dog, we're buying a house, planning a wedding... and I'm not even enjoying any of it because I'm going mental!!!!

[Mad Old Cow]

Angeleyes, firstly good luck with the job i hope you don't lose it & secondly you really do need to talk to a councellor, you feel like your going crazy because you are so hurt i was glad to read that you are moving away from the family although 40 minutes is not that far, do you have a mum or very close friend as well that you can talk with? & have you tried to talk to his mother & just ask her straight why she chooses to hurt you so badly, i hope your partner is very understanding for you i know you say he is trying to keep the peace but lets face it you have a war going on inside of you & he needs to understand that you are not feeling peace & you are the one he has to put first, my hubby told his parents 34 years ago when we got together that if they wanted to treat me like shit they would'nt be seeing him again & they knew he meant it but we never really went there much anyway. so really you need to have a good chat to him & ask him to please stand up for you & tell them how he want's them to respect you & as well as that you really would benefit from seeing a councellor. good luck with everything & Angel if they dont treat you well just stop seeing them don't give them the opportunity to be nasty,

[redrobyn]

Good advice Di, well said, look after yourself and don,t let those people get to you, find someone you trust to talk to.

[kimba]

:hug::comfort:I feel for u hun!It is so hard to constantly be nice and helpful and get kicked down. Find yourself a few good friends (or even 1) and have a good cry!!! As for your job there is no point worrying until something happens (whether good or bad:))Just continue doing your job and doing it well:D
As for the SIL try as hard as you can to ignore her bitchiness.Separate yourself from her as much as you can.I have found these type of people are just jealous of your lifestyle and will suck all your energy. It really is a good idea to move(pity it was not further).Sorry if this does not make much sense, just sleep deprived:)

[Heather]

There must be someone you could talk to about all this.
The only other option is professional help from someone trained to help you know their triggers and how to avoid them, to help you de-stress, to help you to cope.
With a wedding coming up, the purchase of a new house....do yourself and your fiancé a favour, get that help.
And above all....there are always Ladies here with some sympathy and worthwhile advice.

[miss kiki]

i feel the same way..i'm exactly like you when i take a little too much to heart and then i become so negative, when people think i can do everything and anything and how strong of a person i really am. i just break at times and then i feel everything is falling apart. i feel the same way on what the girls have said-counseling. i'm still trying to get my life on track and then i'll be finding a good counselor for myself also. my fiancee's mom and i weren't doing so good in the beginning either, but he set up a date for her to come over and take me out and i didn't even know it until she rang the bell and told me to get dressed. it was nice to go to the store with her, open up, and have her know more about me. maybe you both need that too. now i go to her house when i please and feel so welcome there, even though at times it can be rough to deal with her! especially when my fiancee's kids are involved..as for your SIL, maybe a nice chat with her will do you some good too. after all, you're marrying into their family and you want somewhat of a decent relationship with them..only because it'll be harder for you to cope with them in the years to come! do you have a sister or maybe your mom to just talk to here and there?! or a really good friend? we're always here and i honestly don't know where i'd be without most of these women on here with all the crap i've had to go through in my life over the past year! good on you though for buying a house and planning a wedding! that's definitely something to look foward to! i hope everything works out for you hun! hugs to you!