How to deal with the "tween years"

[Jude67]

Just wondered if anyone has any ideas on how to deal with 11 yo girl with attitude! My daughter is a wonderful, loving, caring girl, good manners, (most of the time!), very affectionate and happy 0:). Lately things have changed. Hormones must be kicking in ...... big time:headh:! We are sometimes at loggerheads, with tears and tantrums and a whole lot of attitude coming though. She has become messy, her room is a disaster area, and mouthy,(no swearing thankfully). I find it challenging keeping my cool. Anyone help please??????:fx: thanks in anticipation....................:yes::argh:

[Stormy]

It will pass Jude....I went through puberty very early when very few of the girls in my year were developing breasts let alone having their period. It was a really stressful time. I remember one time crying in the toilet because the junior girls toilets didn't have sanitary boxes in them so I went and used the senior girls loo and one of the girls yelled at me that I shouldn't be in there. :( The boys pulled on my bra strap as I walked past so I stopped wearing one and begged mum for a crop top despite obviously needing something with a little more support. Even the girls in my year gave me a hard time for needing to wear a bra so early. God it was horrible and no doubt some of the tension I was going through got passed onto my mum :headh:

If you can remember, try and think back to what it was like when you were going through all those changes yourself. I can't imagine how hard it was for my mum to put up with me when I was going through it but she was always reassuring and supportive. Have you had a chat together about all the body changes etc that happen in the teenage years?? I'm sure once she gets used to the changes in her body and all those hormones, she will become the wonderful daughter you have previously been accustomed to :)

Good luck Jude :fx:

[Alexa]

Jude

There is a book by Kaz Cooke called Girl Stuff, I have seen it at Borders and Dymocks and so wished they had that book when I was growing up.

Girl Stuff by Kaz Cooke, subjects to be covered include the physical changes of the teen years, skin, hair, food, exercise, body image, clothes, make-up, the teenage brain, feelings, drinking, drugs, family, beliefs, friends, activism and community work, love, sex, school, work, health, money, shopping, safety and advertising.

I also saw it being talked about on the Today program and she said that even 9 and 10 year olds can read certain bits that might help them understand things better and just keep it under there beds as a reference book for when they need an answer to something.

Just an idea.

[Jude67]

Thank u Stormy and Alexa. Hormones can affect us so much, it's amazing. Have had a chat to her a little while ago, might be time for another "talk". And will definitely invest in the Kaz Cooke book all worthwhile! :waves:
Looking forward to positive results.

[Josteph]

Hi Jude, You need to love and listen to her and give her a hug when its safe to.:comfort: This is when you need to be sooo patient. Its hard going through puberty. :crying:Your daughter will come through this hard time remembering that you showed kindness towards her and she will love you all the more. :)I know its easier said than done. Best of luck.:fx:

[Diana]

Alexa do they have that book for boys?

I have 2 boys 11yo + 16yo,the older is certainly challenging our parenting skills.One thing I have learnt is for both of us not to confront each other when the tension is high,both of us have regreted what we've said to each other.It is best to give each other space and discuss things later when we have had time to cool down.The best time to have a chat with your son/daughter is in the car,no eye contact required it is amazing some of the information they give in that type of neutral setting.Good luck to both of you!

[miss kiki]

that sounds exactly like my becca! she's 8 years old, but boy, does she have attitude problems! first of all, she is very bossy to her brother-mind you, they're only a year and a half apart and i can't stand that. she feels the need to remind me and my DF (darling fiancee) things, as if she can't just be a kid and let the adults worry about it! lol. and when we tell her to do something, she always has to have the last word or find some type of excuse or slam her door or whatever. richie is 7 and he of course acts like her at times and i can't stand that either! i tell her to cut out the bossiness and the attitude..it's not needed, especially when she's giving us the attitude. we'll put her in a time out or explain to her why we want her to do the thing that we asked her, talking back is rude, slamming your door won't make things better, etc. she's already experienced some cramps since the summer, usually the same time of month, so she might be close to that time! she already knows what a menstrual cycle is, so she won't be scared or think something is wrong with her when she notices blood on her panties..i'm not too sure what else on the whole advice part, since i'm going to be their step mom and i'm learning myself! :hehe:

[Alexa]

In Raising Boys, Steve Biddulph looks at the most important issues in boys' development from birth to manhood - and discusses the warm, strong parenting and guidance that boys need. He brings his humour, honesty and practical knowledge of families to the vital task of raising our sons.
How can we teach boys to be happy, confident, and kind?
The three stages of boyhood, and how to make them go smoothly.
Testosterone! How it changes behaviour and what to do about it.
How boys' brains are different.
Understanding boys' vulnerabilities and how to overcome them.
How mothers teach boys about life and love.
The five essentials that fathers provide (and what to do if you're a single mum).
Common diseases of boys, such as "kitchen blindness" and "dislaundria".
How to help boys learn a caring attitude to sex.
Eight major changes schools must make to be good places for boys.
Sport - encouraging the right values in boys.
How can adult communities help boys become men.
Boys and hearing problems.
How to choose a boy-friendly school.

[Stormy]

Maybe I should get both of those books for John's sister....her lot will be going through this stage all too soon... :headh:

[Denise]

All I can say Jude is

Be afraid be very afraid

it gets much worse. LMAO

[Supa]

Oh Jude I can symapthise with you my DD is 11 somedays are wonderful others are horrid

[kimba]

Unfortunately they all go through it(puberty that is) and some worse then others.They can not help the way they react it is actually a chemical imbalance(as someone wise once told me)As for remembering it they probably won't.Just deal with it the best u can and know that eventually there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mind u I have 3 daughters who are 9yrs,4yrs and 6weeks so I am actually in for a hell of a timeLMAO

[miss kiki]

i look back now i and realize how bad of a pain in the butt i was to my mom! lol. i feel so bad-but those were the hormones-and of course my rebellious stage. hopefully my first kid will be a boy! LOL.

[Mad Old Cow]

just sitting here thinking the same thing Denise lol
my 11 year old grandaughter has been going through it all for about 12 months, she is driving us all mad & as i can't tolerate a rude attitude from children i stay firm on my disciplne with her & i have to admit i am getting a lot further then her parents that tend to pamper to her silliness because then she just plays on them, when i say stop that she does, if i say she is grounded, then she knows that she is ( Jude, i have my Gkids a lot incase you were wondering why a nanna is so strict )
I know when i was a kid we never tried any crap on mum or we would be in for it & so i just go with how i was bought up. DIL says that the daughter makes her feel guilty well I'm sorry but i don't play games like that, i find there is next to no respect these days from kids & i just have a problem with it & i have no problem with sticking to my word. I know i sound like a tuff old bitch but the kids know the rules here & they still love comming everyday so something is working & really respect & good behaviour is really all that i expect from my Gkids & i don't think thats too much to ask lol

[mel76]

well my eldest jaydan is 11 going on 25, thinks he knows everything, thinks he's done everything.
Most of the time he is a brilliant kid, but last night we had one of those nights. It started as soon as we walked in the house and asked him to put away the dishes (which should have been done in the morning).
World war 5 started (notice i was missing all the other wars we haven't had yet :hehe:)
So lucky hubby was home then as he said right, your sister does this one & then you do the next 3 loads.
Well did he have the shits or what......
He came out of his room later (after all the screaming, throwing of things ) & started asking what he can do. He washed up the dishes from dinner, i think he's thinking if he does that he won't have to the dishes 3 times, well i have news for him, What his father say's stands there is no backing down (that's for sure, my hubby does not give in at all)
I wish we could just skip these yearsLMAO

Mel

[leelee]

awww hugs to you darl:hug:,i cant really offer any advice except try and be there and listen even though that didnt/still doesnt work with my 16 year old some days he is an absoulute angel but other days omg i want to wel best not write it on here:hehe:
i do housework or its time to relax on my comp when i know he is in one of those moods,
Its bloody madhouse here a lot though as i deal with my teen boys & the GF's all wanting just to kill eachother for no real reason:head::head::head:

[Cherie]

My 10 yr old grand daughter that lives with me is showing the same attitude Jude. I tell her to speak nicely or there will be consequences. All I do is stop her from watching tv or being on pc. mostly. It seems to work at the moment. I also sit her down and talk to her about her feelings and what is happening at school. etc. So far so good.

[Jude67]

Thanks for that vote of confidence Denise!:jump::y: lol She's been having a good day today so far! Hope it will keep up. I've also found if I limit computer time it seems to make a bit of a difference. It seems msn messenger is a bit of a "life support" to her and her friends. After spending so much time together at school they are constantly ringing each other and msn'ing! You think they would run out of things to say, but they keep going strong!

leelee sounds like you're busy too! Ah the joys of parenting! We wouldn't change them for the world even with the challenges thrown to us. Its all good! They give us so much joy and occasionally so much grief!:coffee::no::help:

It's a real learning process seeing they don't come with a manual. I think my other 2 will be fine?! My middle girl is 4 and totally different from the 11 yo, and our son, well he's so casual and happy go lucky!:dance3:

[miss kiki]

glad things are looking up for you jude! i remember being that age and doing the same thing-running from the computer to the phone, etc. always talking to my friends! and boy, did we always have something to say-most of the stuff was just so stupid or gossip, but it was fun. :)