new here and wanting to vent...

[Charms]

hey there,

i just found this forum...it looks like a good one!! :) and since i am highly annoyed, i thought i might as well vent!!

my partner... only together nearly 2 years now..so still kind of new and getting married in April.. informed me tonight that when he was over his friends house today that he spent the afternoon helping them get their boat on the trailer!! yes.. very kind of him and all well and good but then i asked.." why did you hang around to help?" since he wont be going with them on the boat...

His reply was that he was asked to help and though it would be nice of him! :blink:

so... why is it that when I ask for a littel help or for something to be done that i either get literally laughed at..or i have to ask multiple times and are therefore branded as nagging!?!?!? it drives me INSANE!!!!x(

PLEASE tell me that i am not alone.....

[Cherie]

This is a normal thing for one friend to help another. Am sure if you stay calm he will do for you when he can.
Men hate nagging, you will have to think of other ways to get him to do what you want..

[Mad Old Cow]

my DH is always going mad that i would do anything for anyone except him lol well thats not quite true but, i would hate to think i could'nt help my friends i actually get a big kick out of helping people maybe your partner just felt good about helping his mate

[Denise]

Sorry Charms of course he's going to help out his mates you'd do the same for yours. :)You have to make the man think it was all his idea, still trying to work out that one myself:jump:

[Rachel]

I feel like my DP does that too.. It drives me insane :yes: But have found that I am getting used to it even though if I really think about it.. it was one of the traits in him that I fell in love with :hehe: I find now that the less I nag the more keen he is to do things for me anyway!

[kimba]

I think that is just the Aussie way isn't it:yes:Help your mates! It does get annoying tho when they put themselves out for everyone but you:yes:

[Heather]

Aaaahhhh...The Great Australian Mateship has struck again.
Don't bother trying to understand it, just accept it .

[miss kiki]

i have to agree with rach. it's always fine to do something for your friends or anything, but then when you keep asking it is nagging..in my position, when we fight then he says how he always has to do everything for me! sorry, i don't have a car and i have school and i have things to do also..JEEZ. either way i don't win with him!

[Stormy]

I think that was nice of him to help his mates even if he wasn't going out on the water with them. Most people I know, male or female, would have done the same thing. :yes:

As far as nagging goes, how do you like it when it is done to you?? I'm betting not very much at all. I tend to do things in an order of priority....not simply just when someone wants them done. If it's not important and it can wait, then it won't get done straight away - no matter how much someone nags me to do it. :) What you have to do, is shift what you want done up the ladder of priority in his books. :hehe:

How do you make it a priority?? Most men are food motivated so just tell him that he won't get dinner/lunch at this rate because you're so busy trying to do this all by yourself. You'd be amazed how quickly you will get help that way. LMAO

[Lindylou]

If you want him to do something for you make sure you say you are going to do "whatever" (think of something) and then ask if he can do whatever it is you want done. it works!

[Di Nana]

Don't think this is just an Aussie male thing, over here every body helps each other, especially in the country towns, my hubby can put his hand to any thing and is constantly in demand by the locals, I am grateful for the friendliness and helpfulness every body is willing to give to each other, I have things that need done round here, but I know it will get done in time, and when it does there will be heaps of grateful friends that will be there to help us, It works both ways

[dragonfly97]

i have no advice my hubby does pretty much what i ask him to do just like i do for him

[Charms]

:) hehe... men... cant live with them cant live without them i guess the old saying goes!!!

but having vented a little (which always helps!) and yes... even though he will drive me up the wall!!!!:headh:... really i wouldnt have him any other way!! :)

but thanks for those littel tips that were offered... will have to remember those!;) Hope you all had a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! :cheers:

[mel35]

Nagging doesn't ever work here, the more I nag the less I get.
I usually wait for a few jobs that need to be done, get a couple of his mates over, they all pitch in then end the day with a barbie and beers supplied by us as a way of thank you, and our friends do the same.

If mum has a job for dad (usually something in the yard) she starts it herself and then dad always takes over "coz she doesn't do it right":hehe:...mum is very sneaky:D

Charms your relationship is still fairly new and over time you will learn the best way to motivate him.:)

[miss kiki]

mel-it's as if you have another kid in the house..i have trouble motivating the kids, nevertheless DF! :hehe:

[Charms]

yea it is all new... i have lived on my own for just long enough to be sent in my little ways in which i am sure annoy him just as equally! ::hehe:

and as far as the nagging goes... i only have to ask once for it to be classed as nagging! :blink: so i agree that is never the key and really would never say that i nag him! just a LITTLE help in keeping the place a little tidier would just be sooooooo nice.....:yes:

[mel35]

My MIL is down atm for Chrissy and she has had hubby doing so many jobs for me its fantastic, she even got Jack to clean up his room:y:.

When our kids were really little hubby had to do chores to get a leave pass. He'd come to me Sat morn & say I want to go fishing with my mates on Sunday so what do I have to get done here today. That worked well in those days.

[miss kiki]

i totally agree. they can be messy at times..i can't stand when DF drapes his towel over the shower curtain..can't you just neatly fold it and put it on the drying rack?! that's why my brother re-did our bathroom last year and we have one! JEEZ. or he'll pretty much just live out of his laundry basket and not put his clothes away..WTF? LOL. i've been changing him though, so that's good! slowly but surely! :hehe: DF and i don't have much time to go out with family or friends or even each other in fact! lol, so i don't have to give him a list and i honestly don't think he would like it if i did that..even though i think that's a good idea! :)