Should I say something?

[Lea78]

This is a bit long, boring and probably just me over reacting but I need some advice before I go crazy.

My sister in laws partner's step sister M is causing the problems. Obviously it has been going on for a while, but up until now I have managed to ignore it to a point. It wasnt so bad before.

Every time my husband and I are at a family party, M stares at him constantly. If either one of us see her looking she looks away. When we are sitting together she looks at us. Its not just a scanning the room, and just happens to be looking at us the same time we look at her. She has her eyes glued on us.

Yet she barely talks to either one of us. Only says hello when she really doesnt have a choice, and tries to avoid actually sitting near us. If we are in one room, she sits in the other but keeps looking at us.

That happened all day at christmas. My husband went outside, she came back inside, but as soon as he was inside she started looking at him again. She knows we are happily married. He doesnt incourage her, if anything he tries to ignore her and discourage her. He plays with his wedding ring so she can see it. Comes up behind me, gives me kisses and hugs all day.

I went online the other day on facebook, and it came up, see your friends online - mutual friends. She is on my sister in laws facebook, and she also added my husband to hers. She has never contacted him, or sent him anything or done anything on facebook to say that she is even his friend. Its like she just wants him there so she can keep an eye out on what he is up to etc. I have deactivated my facebook account.

If she wasnt part of the family, I would say something and probably knock her on her backside, but she is family, even if only on the step side. Anyone got ideas on what to do. We have a fair few family gatherings a year and even though we live an hour away from them, we cant get out of all of them.

Should I say something, and what?. I dont even know how to bring it up. I dont want to tell the sister in law because they were friends a long time before we were. My husband has never had a realtionship with her, never kissed etc. They used to talk at family functions but that was it.

[kimba]

Wow I would probably just say something quietly to her next time you catch her doing it:yes:She obviously has a crush(???maybe) on hubby and this would explain the inability to talk, leaving the room etc(embarrassed??)If it is really that bothersome and u can't talk maybe ask hubby too:)So yes definantly say something:)

[Cherie]

I'd probably knock her on her backside...:hehe:
Nope I'd ignore her, totally, not even speak about her to any family member at all..just like she wasn't there.:D

[Patricia]

I agree with Cherie...both you and your hubby should ignore her childish behaviour.

Sooner or later she will get the message ....she is looking for a reaction from you and will be most disappointed when you are too smart for her silly games.

[Mad Old Cow]

don't think i could ignore it if she is doing it everytime you see her
no need to mention it to any other family member just ask her what her problem is & let her know you & your hubby would like her to stop it

[Naomi]

I favour the passive aggressive approach. Get in first. Stare at her all night (you, not your husband). Every time she catches your eye, smile HUGELY. Start conversations with her. Get in first.

I wouldn't say anything specific because it's the kind of situation that could blow way out of control and make future events really awkward. You know your husband is aware of it and is as put off by it as you are, so I'd just let it be and hope that by being overly friendly she will just give up or start avoiding you entirely to avoid the situation.

[Cherie]

Ahhh Naomi,
Now thats what I call the bestest fun.LMAO LMAO LMAO. I love it..:hehe:

[Mad Old Cow]

yes i like it to Naomi, go with that lea78

[Heather]

Beat me to it Naomi....I always tell young kids to get in first and that usually can diffuse a potentially explosive situation.
Every time you see her looking at you, or DH, then go and engage her in conversation.
Whatever the outcome, you have acted in a friendly manner which can't help but be noticed by the family.

[Stormy]

I favour the passive aggressive approach. Get in first. Stare at her all night (you, not your husband). Every time she catches your eye, smile HUGELY. Start conversations with her. Get in first.

I would go with that too :) It's not nice for them when the shoe is on the other foot :yes:

[Denise]

I was going to say that when you next catch her next time say in a loud voice but in a jokey sort of way is my fly undone ,do I have something in my teeth something like that, do you realise your staring. But then I like Naomi's idea better :jump:

[Alexa]

Mmm well she sure is weird...I do like Naomi's approach and I was thinking why don't you make her a friend of yours on Facebook and send her things etc, see if you get a reaction, sounds like childish behaviour? Has she ever had a boyfriend? Is she the same age as you and your husband?

[miss kiki]

that is pretty childish..and i have to agree with naomi's approach. that's definitely how to play the game!
there's this lady that brings her son to boy scouts and is in the same group as richie and she constantly stares at me and DF as well. it is highly annoying! she even knew my DF's name one night and i was like WTF? WIERD. she's definitely not his type, supposedly has a bf, divorced, only has one son. so i brushed it off and DF will make comments when we're around her and i know he's not into that, lol. maybe she's just staring at us, because i can pass as his kid sometimes, lol. jk. no, maybe she wants to be my friend and looks to see if i can get her attention?! IDK. it is annoying, but i'm definitely going to try naomi's approach with her! :hehe: should be fun! :D

[~FutureMrs.K~]

I would ignore her...she seems way childish, and its beneath you to stoop to her level.

[dragonfly97]

i would also ignore her

[Patricia]

I've changed my mind!

Knock her on her arse! So much quicker and simpler...LMAO

[Mad Old Cow]

yes i agree Patric LMAO

[Lea78]

I've changed my mind!

Knock her on her arse! So much quicker and simpler...LMAO

I definetly like this idea. lol. Its a bit more my old style.

Kimba - I wish I could get hubby to say something, he is a bit shy normally, and wouldnt even know how to approach her about it. Would be quicker if I said something.

Naomi - I love your approach, and it was always something I did in high school and for a few years after I left, I guess I grew out of it and became nicer to make more friends. I still tend to do that but havent done it for so long. Would be good to try it again.

Alexa - She is in her late 20's. Probably about my husbands age so 27/28 rather than closer to mine 29/30. I would understand the crush thing as well, if she was alot younger.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. Next time I might try Naomi's suggestion, and if that doesnt work, ill go with the talking to her, and if that still doesnt work, which Im guessing will, then I can knock her on her backside. Which would just be a whole lot of fun. (Especially since its got to the point where I dont care what the family think of me for doing it).

[Cherie]

Lea..Always be aware that age means nothing to some women..:hehe:

[Di Nana]

Ignore her and hopefully she will disappear, there is no real harm done your partner is not interested so if any thing it is flattering

[Lea78]

I think, I will wait until we see her next time, and do a mixture, say hello to her first, ask how she is going etc?, got a boyfriend yet etc?, then I will move on and talk to others, or just relax and then if she continues to stare, I will make a joke of it, and if that doesnt work then I will say something to her.

If none of that works, then ill just ignore her, and make it be known how happy my hubby and I are together.

[miss kiki]

looks like you have a pretty good plan. let us know how it works the next time you see her. :)

[Lea78]

looks like you have a pretty good plan. let us know how it works the next time you see her. :)

I will definetly keep everyone updated on how it goes next time. Thanks everyone for all your advice. It was great to be able to vent it out and have some helpful advice. :)

[kgg]

I would probably approach her at the next family thing and ask outright "What are you staring at?" and see what she says. You will probably catch her off guard and she won't know how to respond, but at least you will be clearly letting her know that you have noticed.

Sounds like a bit of a crush, but as long as she isn't doing anything physically towards your hubby, I would approach her, ask the question and then ignore her. She is obviously very young in the head and immature and just has a weird infatuation.

[Michelle]

wow what a story!! I'm interested in when your next family gathering is so we know how long to wait til the 'big day' LOL

Sorry i know i don't know you and i'm a member from waaaay back trying to ctach up to all the members since then!

Good Luck with your approach. I'd also be knocking her on her arse! If there's not something 'mentally' wrong with her then she has no reason to stare!!

[Lea78]

Next family gathering probably wont be until march (depending on if I get invited to another scrapbooking party).

[grammyjo]

Sounds like it's going to be a very interesting get together.