Other parents Rules

[kezabelle]

One of the otehr threads sent me on a tangent, so thought I'd better start a new thread :)

One of the problems I encounter regularly is rules of other parents. When my kids are at someone's house, they know they follow that house's rules. But, my problem is when kids come here.

For example, my kids climb trees here, but we have a couple of freinds who don't allow their kids to do that so ask my children not to (they're all around same ages 5-8). Or we'll be at the park and their kids aren't allowed to run, so neither are mine. Or they're in our pool and their kids aren't allowed to bomb (not each other!) or ride the boogie boards, etc, so neither are mine.

Basically, I get fed up with curbing my kids when I'm at my own place or a public place. My kids are actually really reasonable about it, but it's also left to me to discipline the other kids for breaking their parents rules (parents aren't there). What do you think?

[Rachel]

It bugs me Kerrie when other parents do this.. their house their rules-fine. But don't tell me or my child what we should be doing at my house or in a public place! I have a friend who is always picking at other peoples children and it annoys me so much...

[Naomi]

Other people enforce *their* rules on your children, even in your house? That is so wrong! Fair enough to curb behaviours in other people's houses if their rules are different, but I disagree with other people enforcing their rules on your children when you are not in their house. If they don't want their child doing x then they tell their child "I don't want you to do that". I think in that age bracket the children are old enough to understand, it's not up to the parents to change your family rules to suit themselves.

[Manda]

I understand where your coming from ....but i seem to be at the other end of the scale.

I have had kids visiting that do whatever they want, there is little or no rules in the family of these other kids.

My rules IMHO are pretty fair, keep your hands and feet to yourself (which the kids in queston NEVER did) Stay where i can see you.IF i say "please X dont play with that its dangerous you might hurt yourself" then you stay away from it. When i say its home time you say your byes and go (another thing these kids NEVER EVER did- it would take me an hour or more to get them to leave ...even after i pulled my kids inside)
I would expect my kids to do the same at someone elses house. If i found out that they didnt follow these basic rules i would dish out punishments.

The parents of the kids im talking about let their kids run amuck. there was no firm rules or bounderies and little or no punishment. I had these kids wander into my back yard (jumping the fence) ALL THE TIME no amount of telling them to go home worked, I spoke to the parents in question and told them that i dont like so and so coming into my yard, yes it distrupted my kids but mostly for their kids own safety. Anything could happen to those kids, they could hurt themselves go out onto the road etc etc
But nothing ever changed.

[crashtestwoman]

My house My rules. Someone else's house someone else rules, unless I think it may be dangerous or harmfull to my kids. Example: I wouldn't let my kids dive bomb anyone at anyones house no matter what the other parents said, but if we were in a park and my kids were running around and the other parent said that her kids couldn't run around I'd just say "Too Bad Sooooo Sad" and let my kids keep running around.

[Heather]

So is it the other parents themselves enforcing rules at your house?
If that is the case....a gentle reminder as to social niceties might be in order.
If they don't like it....then they can go elsewhere....the kids will still be friends even if it's just at school.

[Stormy]

Agreed, my house, my rules and that applies equally to adults as well. :yes:

[Cherie]

crashtestwoman:I'd just say "Too Bad Sooooo Sad" and let my kids keep running around.
LMAO LMAO LMAO That sounds like me Deb. :hehe:

[lucyloo]

I've learnt the hard way, unfortunately! Now I stick up for my kids and me....:yes:
I must admit though, I probably would of put up with it once or twice, and then I would of approached my friend very nicely and explained how I felt, and that it wasn't very fair to my children etc etc. If she was a good friend, she would take it on board, if she wasn't a good friend, see ya!!:waves:

[Supa]

My house My rules. Someone else's house someone else rules, unless I think it may be dangerous or harmfull to my kids. Example: I wouldn't let my kids dive bomb anyone at anyones house no matter what the other parents said, but if we were in a park and my kids were running around and the other parent said that her kids couldn't run around I'd just say "Too Bad Sooooo Sad" and let my kids keep running around.

Couldnt have said it better Deb

[LisaHarman]

my house my rules you dont like it then you know where the door is.

my children also know that when they are at anyone elses house they respect their house rules aswell as carry our house rules there too.

people often comment on how polite my kids are after leaving ones house. They are known to say "thank you for your hospitality" - never prompted by my husband or I either. The respect the hospitality and they let the host know.

as for you having to curb your kids at your own home or in a public place well then i am sorry but thats a no go. your house your rules your kids know the rules and limits. as for a public place that could be a compramise but still who are they to tell you how your kids should play.

[Patricia]

What a cheek to try and tell you how to raise your own kids in your own home...:O

Incredible really.

I would be telling them to please refrain from telling my child what to do and if they didn't like that then tough titties I am afraid!

[kezabelle]

The main culprits are family unfortunately.... I don't mind some of the things, but it gets a bit much after a while - and especially when it's assumed I'll keep to their rules in my house when they aren't there. And then it's expected I'll be the one to do the disciplining of their children when they break the rules! Good to know that I'm not being unreasonable though. Thanks girls :)

And Deb, my kids don't bomb other kids - just doing bombs rather than dives into the pool :) They know the safety rules.

[reego]

The main culprits are family unfortunately.... I don't mind some of the things, but it gets a bit much after a while - and especially when it's assumed I'll keep to their rules in my house when they aren't there. And then it's expected I'll be the one to do the disciplining of their children when they break the rules! Good to know that I'm not being unreasonable though. Thanks girls :).

haha yes we have plenty of that at christmas when we have family over

our nana <dads mum> constantly comments on how we should do things like its ok for the odd tip once in a while that could make life easier but she constantly puts down everything my mum nd dad say and do and sher always starts with the same saying i 4get what it is but its something like 'not to intrude' grrrrrrr

and my auntie who has her very own snobby little brat whom we dislike very much tends to tell off my little brother about little things just coz she likes to think she can control kids just coz she cant control her only one and its not just that she tells jack off but she does it for things hes allowed to do grrrrrr:headh::headh::headh::headh::headh::headh:

[Patricia]

The main culprits are family unfortunately.... .


What a shame and how sad :(

Isn't it strange how the people we expect to be the most supportive..."family" just aren't?

[La Toriana]

I agree... my house my rules

usually its all just common sense... good manners and be minful of those around you.

in some ways, the kids actually "learn"

imagine no kid being able to run in a park!!

elizabeth

[kimba]

The main culprits are family unfortunately....

OI do u want to expand on the whole "family" comment i.e I assume u r talking about your inlaws and not us:P

[kezabelle]

Obviously the inlaws as you and I have similar rules. Of course, if you now want to move on to teh smacking thread... :)

[Heather]

This is why I have a sign at my front door....
"Friends welcome....relatives by appointment only"

[kezabelle]

I went to a friend's the other day and her daughter had just bought that for her! I love it! :D She promised to get me one if she found another.

[kimba]

Obviously the inlaws as you and I have similar rules. Of course, if you now want to move on to teh smacking thread... :)

What about it???

[kezabelle]

What, you can't recognise who nags me about smacking my kdis? :D And no - it's not Kimba!

[miss kiki]

i agree..my house my rules. :yes:

at becca's party last year a girl around the corner from us came which is in becca's class. she pushed richie to the ground, laughed, etc. and i really couldn't stand her. she was a total brat! she's not allowed to come here anymore and becca has even steered clear from her. :yes: when i told her to stop she just pretty much laughed in my face! she came over again after that once and when i told the kiddies it was time to clean up their mess, she wouldn't and i told her that she had to help clean up because she helped make the mess..she just wouldn't listen again and said well i'm the guest..i could care less if she is or not, but then i just sent her on her way and made an excuse that we had to go out and run errands. she hasn't come over since and never will.
it's nice though to get compliments from other parents on how well behaved your kids are when they are invited over to their friends house. :)

[mel76]

i'm sorry but i would say my kids my house go climb on the roof kids!!!:hehe: (only joking) but i wouldn't stop my kids from doing what they like doing just because of these few adults!
I think these adult friends of yours need to relax & let the kids be kids. Your house Your Rules Kids will be kids & yes they may get hurt sometimes but you know if they didn't hurt themselves then they wouldn't learn their boundaries (what they can & can't do) maybe you should tell your friends next time their over to CHILL OUT!!

Please next time let your kids run wild that's what they want & that's what you like so don't let other parents dictate to you!

[susiq]

I think it's your house, your rules, their house - their rules.

If anything, the kids work it out pretty quickly on what they can or can't do. You can also tell the ones that have boundaries as they pick it up quick smart. Unlike Kiki's story of the horrid little girl who didn't help!