dealing with racist grandparents?

[Rachel]

My DP's family are quite racist.. by that I mean that they sometimes use racist words.. It really makes my blood boil, but I tend to just ignore it. Now that my DD is getting to an age where she is starting to talk and is absorbing a lot of what is being said around her I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this.
I have spoken to my DP about it and he feels uncomfortable saying anything to them about it (it is his grandmother who is the worst but his mum, dad and pop all speak that way) as they have always been like that. I know that if I say anything that it will cause all kinds of problems...
I really am just at a loss at how to handle this without WW3 breaking out...

[lucyloo]

My husbands family is the same Rachel, and now that the kids are older, I just explain to them how everybody can have a different opInion, which is important, even if we don't agree with them. At school, they do soooo many topics, speeches, assignments, on multi culturalism, that they soon form there own opinions anyway!!!

[Mad Old Cow]

hard one Rach but you do need to ask them to stop it infront of your DD, how does your partner feel about it Rach? just let him know that you will have a word with them if he can't maybe he will speak to them for you then, or maybe you & him together could speak to them

[Naomi]

My SIL does this, makes really derogatory comments about a particular racial group. When I've pulled her up on it she says "It isn't racism, it's FACT" :roll: Her mother raised her better than that. The only way I can think of to deal with it in terms she'll understand is to tell her next time it happens that she will not be able to see my son because I don't want him to hear those views from her. And yes, WW3 will probably break out if it comes to that. It won't be the first time though (it was a different issue with the same SIL last time :roll:).

It's probably harder though when it's grandparents than just an aunt.

I think your DH really needs to be the one who says something. Good luck with it.

[Patricia]

Racism is something I can NOT tolerate on any level...:no:

I agree with Naomi that DH needs to speak with his family and stress to them that you do not want your precious daughter picking up on such a nasty habit.

Rach I hope you get it all sorted out...how worrying for you :(

[LisaHarman]

I for one wont tollerate racism in my home and in front of my children. they can form their own opinions in due time and not have bad opinions put into them by family members.

this is a hard issue for any one to handle and I think you and yoru husband both need to sit down with the family and explain where you are coming from. if they can not respect your wishes then ban them from your house or contact with the children until things change.

good luck

[Heather]

Is it actually their views or just their manner of speaking?
If it's the former....boy have you got problems and I have no sure fire solution for you.
With the later....could you sit down with the culprits and explain how hard it would be for the kids at school if they accept these 'words' as norm.

[kezabelle]

I have similar issues with various memebers of our family and friends. They would actually swear they are not racist - after all, they have an Aboriginal friend! Drives me batty that they can't see that that in itself is racist! But, I'm the same as the others - I talk to the kids about how wrong it is to make judgements and comments based on a person's appearance, beliefs, etc. At the end of the day, the world is still full of racist and bigotted people, and they are going to confront them anyway. All you can really do is teach them what is right and what is wrong.

[Rachel]

Thankyou everyone for your replies..
Heather with DP's nanna it seems to be very much her views, his pop is not as bad though I think he just gets caught up in his Nanna's mumbo jumbo and go's along with it. As for his parents, it is hard to judge whether or not it is a true representation of their views or not..

I think that it will be up to DP to pull his parents up next time he hears them use a derogatory comment.. and maybe then explain our worries. Hopefully if we get them onside regarding this issue then my MIL may be able to have a chat to her mum about curbing it.. :fx:
I do take a little comfort in knowing that my DP and his brother are both very nice and respectful people to everyone regardless of race..
I know my DD will encounter a lot of racism in her life.. I would just rather not have her be exposed to it within her family..

[miss kiki]

i agree with the other ladies. :yes:
my family is like that too. so is DF at times and it drives me up the wall. he'll say things joking around and he's not 100% racist, he just feels like people are called racist terms because they act certain ways for the society to call them that?! not sure if that makes sense, but i just say whatever and move on..lol. the kids rarely ever hear him and his comments though, so that's good. :yes: and they know better not to judge themselves.

[crashtestwoman]

I believe that almost every culture is a little racist to every other culture, but I try very, very hard to not judge a person because of my prejudises of the past and take each and every person on how they treat me. It drives me crazy when my beloved starts on about Asian drivers. AHHHHH. I just sit in the car and try to calm him and tell him that I don't want the bad vibes from those comments or Cooper to hear just crap, but the next time an asian driver even looks at him strangely he starts off on a rant again. gosh it's frustrating.

[miss kiki]

OMG-i can totally agree deb. DF is the same way with those particular drivers. :yes: after awhile i just zone out and don't bother listening.

[Patricia]

I know my DD will encounter a lot of racism in her life.. I would just rather not have her be exposed to it within her family..

Rachel your little girl is so lucky to have such a caring and thoughtful mother, I hope you can get your in-laws to see sense :)

[Rachel]

Thanks Patric :fx:

[redrobyn]

It's not a good thing for her to be exposed to those sort of attitude's, it would make me very uncomfortable, I have a low tolerance level for racism, I'm in customer service in an area that has a lot of ethnic diversity, I wouldn't last 5 minute's in my job if I was racist, it's against my nature anyway. Some of my grandson's best friend's are from other part's of the world, I think it's great that he's in a country where he can do that.

[PreSchool Mama]

I think older people are racist to a certain extent, just because they didn't know any better. It was accepted then to look down on certain races - it doesn't mean they were bad people or prejudiced. Maybe its just the way everybody was then, and the way people were raised.

I have had kids at my son's school be especially nasty about other religions, and I counter that by trying to explain that we don't say things like that about other people. We are all the same. In a time like now, I think countering these influences is more necessary than ever before, and I believe we should all start right at home.

[mel35]

Not really good that your little girl has to hear that, especially from family. I would be getting your DP to say something to them.

On saying that though, as long as you and DP let her know that it is wrong, I don't think it would have too much influence on her. My nanna had a major problem with Asians (which had to do with WW2) yet the attitude she had did not rub off on any of her kids or grandkids.