going through a seperation need advice

[jumpinginpuddles]

we are in the painful position of seperating after fifteen years of marraige and five children all under 11, we are taking the children has anyone else seperated and any advice for helping children through the transition?

thankyou

[Heather]

This brings back painful memories, but I hesitate to give advices....your situation may be different to mine....your children have siblings for some emotional support....not eneryone reacts the same.
I do however hope you have relations or friends who are willing to just listen to you, because you can't rant to the children....and be honest with your children if they ask awkward questions.
Be upfront with your children's Teachers....a new year, new staff and a new home life could be too much for the delights.
.
Best wishes.....I hope there is more and better help forthcoming from our Ladies.

[redrobyn]

I have my d.d. and her 6 year old back at home after her 7 year relationship broke up, but I hestitate to give advice. everyone is different, just find someone you can talk to and be honest with the children, without going into too much detail.

[Di Nana]

I to can't advise you, as looking back when I separated from my first husband, I went about it all the wrong ways, I was young and my two children were only 3 and 5, I thought they would be to little to explain to and didn't think they would understand, I also wanted to protect them, so I lied to them, said there Daddy was away on a long business trip, how bloody stupid was that, so I guess what ever and how ever you both go about this , what ever you do be up front with the children no matter how it hurts at the time , children are resilient, adjusting, forgiving, and most precious of all they are very loyal
all the best

[Patricia]

I agree that being truthful to your children is paramount in a situation like yours.

Maybe seeing a therapist or relationship counsellor could be helpful in guiding you through this stressful time?

Heather made a good point of informing your children's teachers and care givers...they can then be aware of any change in them and inform you.

Good Luck with it all..I am proof (along with many other ladies here) that you can come through the other side and have a happy and fulfilling life again :)

[miss kiki]

i agree with everything the other ladies said. :yes:
definitely be TRUTHFUL to your children. a therapist also can do good in your situation. i wish i saw one when my parents got divorced. i was 11 at the time and i finally just got over their divorce a couple years ago. i still have a hard time trusting people and only trust about 3 people in my life. :) i wish you the best of luck.

[Megan]

Hello Jumping
nice to see you over here. We've merged the Imaginif Safety Talk forum with this one.
I am sorry the hear that separation is again on the cards.
You are a great Mum and you have incredible insight to protecting your kids. You know truth and you know multiple truths - every part of you will be screaming out for doing what's best.
The hardest thing is that doing what's best for everyone is so darn difficult.
What do you need right now Jumping? I know you will look after the kids and tell them your truth. How can we help you manage your emotions so that you stay atop of all of this?

[jumpinginpuddles]

thanks to you all for your support. megan it isnt just impending it is happening, the children have been infromed and we are finding a place to rent, we are taking all five kids with us. We already see a therapist so thats ok we dont know we i guess thought for anyone whose been through it how it left them feeling once it all had happeend and how the kids felt andhow to support everyone involved and look after ourselves.

[Heather]

It takes time.....I've only just removed my wedding band after three years of separation.....when I'm asked by people how I feel the answer is emotional....26 years down the drain.
There is so much to do to pick yourself up.....and sometimes the numb stage can last for ages.
Keep us informed with your progress.