I've sort of decided

[Heather]

It is now only 25 days to go until I run away to Bribie with the Ladies.
I have a GF who is able to look after my TT on Friday night....but am having trouble with the Saturday night.
Now my wonderful boy will be 16 in May and has shown a new sense of responsibility over the past month, he would like me to place absolute trust in him and allow him to look after the animals and house for one night.
Of course I would clear it with the X and the next door neighbours would be informed as well as the father of one of his friends (unfortunately he will be working as a supervisor with the emergency services) who live a block or so away.
I have left him at home when he has been slightly unwell and I've had to work but that was during the day.
I would like input on any possible problems that I haven't thought about as well as the benefits (are there any?).
Thank you Ladies.

[Patricia]

Heather you are the only one that can judge if your son is ready for this kind of responsibility or not, BUT just the fact that you are writing this post and your indecision that comes across makes me think that you still have some major doubts and reservations about it?

[yomamma]

well Heather the first thing I would do is cut acess to the internet. Does he have a responsible friend who is able to stay with him?? Would you trust two of them alone?? Why do you have to clear it with the X first??
I know how good he has been lately, and like you said nearly 16, but is he going to abuse this offer of trust? Have you told him of your plan?? He will need to know the consequences of any bad decisions he make whilst you are away. Make him aware of that silly boy who had the party, or maybe you shouldn't incase he gets idea.
Will you enjoy yourself while at Bribie knowing you have left him alone??? That might be a downside for you.

[Heather]

I have been told by a professional that he is not going to grow if I continue to treat him as a young boy and not place some real trust/responsibility in him....but is this too much trust too soon Patricia?
I know my brothers and I had some beaut parties while my parents were away, but we were slightly older. I've also discussed that Corey incident with him (in preparation for my ultimate decision) and his general opinion was that Corey and his mates were "F***wits"....not language I appreciate but I do understand his meaning.
As to friends....I think I would feel happier if he was solo (no egging on) and to tell you the truth I would only let his Dad know out of courtesy....really don't think he would care one way or the other. As to that, I had asked if the TT and I could fly up together and then his son could stay with him until the Sunday.....that went down really well ..."He doesn't know if his work commitments would interfere....he has a really big mortgage now". Sorry getting off track.
Of course Yo....I would be worried the whole time, but we have to push them out of the nest at some point don't we?

[Mad Old Cow]

well all i am saying is that i have also told you to stop treating him like a baby,
you will never know if you don't give it a go H

[Patricia]

Heather..I didn't mean to come across as criticizing your decision at ALL..please don't think that.

What I was trying to say was ...would you be able to relax and enjoy yourself safe in the knowledge that he was home alone?

You are the only one who can know if he is ready...you asked if it is too much too soon..maybe your answer to that could be found by setting him little tests (unbeknown to him) and see how he would react in certain situations...might give you some peace of mind before you make your decision?

[Stormy]

I have been told by a professional that he is not going to grow if I continue to treat him as a young boy and not place some real trust/responsibility in him

Heather as you well know, this is what I have always thought. If you continue to treat him as a 5yo instead of the almost 16yo he is, I can see him still being at home at 35 and not able to make his own way in the world. I know how scary it must be to make that leap of faith to put your trust in him to do the right thing....but if not now or soon, when? :)

I would remove his internet access for the weekend just so he can't get into trouble and ensure that the neighbours are able to check regularly that all is how it should be. Also get him to call you twice a day to let you know how things are going and voice any concerns that he may have at the time. How does that sound? :dk:

[yomamma]

Yes Heather we do have to let them grow up don't we. I understand the part about him being solo, there is only one friend I would allow DS to stay alone with as I know he is very responsible and well behaved. I have tested them and they passed with flying colours. My boys are 3 years younger than yours and it was only for an hour or so in the afternoon.
Do you leave him at night to go out to dinner or a movie?? Maybe you could start with that, or late afternoon/early evening.
It really is up to you both to decide. The fact that he thinks Corey is a **&** then that to me is a good start.

[Heather]

Didn't expect any less form you Moo....thanks anyway.

Patricia....what an excellent idea re the little tests ( and I knew you weren't critising, merely offering an opinion which I had called for).

While I was at TAFE last year he was staying with the previously mentioned family each Thursday from school until I picked him up.
The last two months I would occasionally let him stay at home by himself....but that was only until about 9.30pm. There weren't any problems except indone homework.

[Supa]

well Heather when I was Sam's age I went to USA for a 3wk holiday by myself! So I say give it a go, you will probably be pleasantly surprised

[sandydee]

:yes:I say have show some faith in him Heather and give it ago:yes:he will probably be quite pleased that you are putting some trust in him:yes:it will be a test for next years meet up at Bribie you could leave him for the whole weekend then:DI agree too if he has that opinion about the bloody Corey well thats a good thing:yes:(DS has the same opinion)Maybe like some other the other ladies suggested some little trials on the leadup to the weekend:)All the best with it Heather:yes:

[jenr]

Hi H
Has he done anything recently that would give you reservations about not trusting him to be on his own?
What is your relationship like with him? How do you guys get on?
I left my kids alone over weekends at that age we had a very understanding relationship if they stuffed up they would suffer the consequences ( They got the message!)
You need to have your mind at ease so you wont worry to much!

[Manda]

Heather, when i was 17 my mum was going on a holiday with Aunty C to Aunty G's, Aunty C told mum to send me to my g/parents house but mum trusted me enough to let me stay at home (had a close friend a few doors down & G/parents were 1/2 hour away)I thought about it alot myself and asked mum if she would leave her car at our place instead of at Aunty C's ......as this way it would appear that she is still there, mum agreed it was a good idea, Aunty C said openly "Dont do that she'll just steal your car!"

I told her quite bluntly "Look, that was something YOUR kids did! I have more respect for my mum and the trust she has in me than to d something like that, not to mention i have no urge to do something so stupid!"

My mum backed me all the way because she knew in her heart that i would be responsible.

I kind of get that impression about you and TT.

Good luck and I hope you reach something that you both are happy with :)

[Heather]

You have all been so wonderful...very supportive and all.
I am starting to trust him a lot more than I did some time ago....and he is aware that I will carry forward with any punishments/consequences.
I think that I was probably concerned with what people would think....God that sounds terrible....but that could have been the main reason....well I've now been psychoanalysed so now I psychoanalyse everything I say.
I'll have a talk to him tomorrow....see what we can come up with
Thanks again.

[kimba]

Good luck with the chat Heather:yes: I think the fact that u r considering it means that u already must have a fair bit of trust there and u just have to get past the worry(first time leaving him etc) in your mind. I suppose u will never know till u give it a go.:)

[Rachel]

Good luck with your decision Heather, I agree with Kimba-
I think the fact that u r considering it means that u already must have a fair bit of trust there
A few of the women have mentioned cutting the internet for the weekend.. depending on what TT mainly uses the internet for I'm not sure cutting it would be the best idea :dk: If he is home alone and uses the internet mainly to play his online games etc it may help keep him occupied... just a thought.

[miss kiki]

i agree with what stormy has said. :yes:
i honestly wish my mother did something like that so i knew she trusted me, but i always had grandparents over or had to go to my dad's when my mom went away for a few days. and then people wonder why i just couldn't wait to move out! :hehe: i think it definitely depends on the parents. my mom was so strict on me, not my sister, and therefore i did silly things like sneaking out of the house to meet up with friends, lying, etc. i just felt like she couldn't trust me, but now i realize she couldn't trust the people i was hanging out with. :yes: it's nice to know you're trusted and i'm sure he'll be fine by himself. :)

[Heather]

More advices giving the TT the green light....guess that's what it will be.
Rachel....it goes against the grain, but I would leave the I'net for him....he loves his online games and talks a great deal to his friends on MSN....but I will look into how to check history, even if it's been deleted.
Christina.....it was actually your comment 'i honestly wish my mother did something like that so i knew she trusted me' that tipped me right over to this way of thinking....so if anything happens I'm packing him off to you.....you vcan have the consequences :D

[Mad Old Cow]

well my dad trusted me & i got pregnant but TT can't do that so thats cool
If your leaving the net for him just ask him to leave you some

[miss kiki]

haha, fine! i'm sure him and i will get along great and then i can show him the sites here in new jersey and new york! :hehe: no, i'm being serious..my sister isn't perfect herself, mind you, but i just felt like my mom always let her go out and do things and i wasn't allowed to. example: my sister was 18 going to bars, when i was 18 i asked to go and my mom said no. same thing when it came to parties, sleepovers, etc. :( i don't blame my mom for all the bad crap i've done though. all of that is my fault and i realized that i'm more mature now, so that's good. :) everyone needs a break once in awhile, whether it's parents away from their kids and doing something for themselves, or the other way around. i'm sure he'll be fine and if not, please don't blame me!!

oh yeah..i got pregnant too MOC. :( don't remind me! (baby would have been one years old this month.) ok..next topic, lol. :)

[crashtestwoman]

Maybe give him a trial run with you going away for the night but stay a bit closer to home. That way if there is something that gives him trouble or he gets into something he can't handle your only a few minutes away instead of a whole state. He sounds like he's ready for you to start cutting the apron strings, but I'm thinking for the first time alone all night maybe you should just be a bit closer and then when you know he can handle it okay you'll be right to come to Bribie without any dramas and not constantly thinking to yourself, Gosh what's that boy up too now, Oh my god I hope he's alright. Get my meaning.
Also it's a good idea to leave things that friends just have to pick up that weekend. That way when your friends come around to pick up the stuff that they just had to have that weekend they can have a little look to make sure that he is okay and the house is still standing.
I'm sure he'll be okay and that your trust in him is not misplaced.

[Heather]

Also it's a good idea to leave things that friends just have to pick up that weekend. That way when your friends come around to pick up the stuff that they just had to have that weekend they can have a little look to make sure that he is okay and the house is still standing.
.


Now that is a good idea....God you're sneaky.

[Stormy]

If your leaving the net for him just ask him to leave you some

That was why I said to cut the net off for the night, it's only a night and it wouldn't kill him to read a book or watch TV instead. I remember when he took all your download limit Heather....I'd only leave him with net access if you're at the end of a month for billing.

[Heather]

Yes true.....unfortunately it's at the beginning....wasn't thinking of that problem.

[Stormy]

He has a games console right?? And Pay TV?? Surely that is enough for one night's entertainment without the net. :dk:

[Heather]

You are a hard woman Kay....but yes....your are right.

[CC Mama]

Oh Heather Ann my thoughts are with you! The words of wisdom make great reading I must remember them all for later. I'm no help sorry. My star sign is Libra so I'm balancing it all up and I'm finding it hard to decide what to say let alone do!!!

[Heather]

Thank you....glad you wanted to put your :2c: in.

[Alexa]

Good luck Heather, I hope that Sam doesn't disappoint you...I am sure he will be fine.

[Heather]

You are all wonderful.

[jenr]

Tell him if he plays up he will have a bunch of AWFUL women after him!LMAO

[Heather]

Surely a fate worse than death LMAO

[miss kiki]

haha, CC..i'm the same way. i hate the fact that i'm a libra at times! :hehe:

[Stormy]

Kiki you can't blame your Libran-ness on your indecisiveness....I've been one for 28 years myself and have no such issues and no I'm not born on a cusp. :P

Heather if I was a hard woman I would be suggesting you send him to a slave labour camp for the weekend. Actually I have suggested that before so maybe I am a hard woman after all LMAO

[jenr]

Nothing wrong with slave labour Storm! Should be more of it!LMAO

[miss kiki]

stormy, i didn't think or say ALL libra's were the same way! :D

[Heather]

Kay, you're in fine form today....several of your replys have made me :hehe:

[Mad Old Cow]

well i agree with everything that Kay has had to say & i don't think she is at all hard, just respectful of other people & their property

[Jennifer W]

Heather have faith in the way that you have helped him achieve to almost 16. I can sympathize with you my son is the same age. Trust is a two way street. It takes a long time to mend the trust once it is broken. Lay down the ground rules first and see if he is prepared to live by them while you are away. If there is total honesty between you then the answer will be in your heart trust your instinct.

[Heather]

Thank you Jennifer.....why do they have to grow up?

[Mad Old Cow]

so they can bloody well leave home Heather, now remove his hands from your apron strings & let him grow up!!

[Heather]

Bugger you....:)

[Mad Old Cow]

yes H?