maybe i am like that?

[chantellebeeching]

ok...i want to know everyone's advice on this one...and its all going to be objective so thats good...
the other night one of my bf's friends said that i always seem angry at my bf and today another on of his friends said that we fight all the time...i seriously did not see this but if people are actually saying this to me then there must be truth with it... we are both stubborn so i guess that doesn't help but sometimes his males friends stir things up all the time so it makes me a tad sensitive and i just walk away because im fragile enough at the moment and dont know how to handle them. now im so self conscious about it all..i really dont want people talking about me like this.
advice please

[Naomi]

I think they are only seeing a very small part of your relationship and it doesn't matter what they think anyway if you and your bf are happy. Is he ok with them talking like that? Or does he find it a bit inappropriate too? I'd talk to him and mention that it makes you uncomfortable, maybe he can let them know you don't want to discuss your relationship with them.

[chantellebeeching]

yeah i know...its just when one person says something you're kinda like eh might be true but you kinda brush it off but when two people are saying it it makes you take a good hard look at yourself...obviously there's talk going on and its not good. remind me to keep my mouth shut next time lol

[Mad Old Cow]

well i would think that people have noticed that you don't seem happy so it may be time to chat to your BF
maybe you are comming across unhappy or even unfriendly but i would let your BF know that its upsetting you that they seem to be talking about things behind your back, & maybe too you could hide the fact that you are not happy with BF so as not everyone knows your buisness

[Cherie]

Chan:one of my bf's friends said that i always seem angry at my bf and today another on of his friends said that we fight all the time...i seriously did not see this but if people are actually saying this to me then there must be truth with it...
If this is true, are you saying that you don't know you are arguing or angry with your B/F ?
If you and your B/F are happy, then you probably wouldn't have a problem with this like you do. Maybe he is ignoring your feelings, and if he is..that shows immaturity on his part.
Surely he knows how you feel about not having made friends. He should be making more of an effort to help you merge into the group.

[Mad Old Cow]

well said Cherie

[kezabelle]

I agree with all the above :D You need to talk to your boyfriend about it - maybe he's taking it personally that you're unhappy - I know my hubby seems to think that every time I'm unhappy, somehow it's about him :hehe: - and I've been told it's a bit of a male thing to think that way. Just chat to him about how you're unhappy and about what he's friends have said. You'll probably find that once you find your own comfort zone and make freinds, all will be good, but talking to him about your feelings can really make a difference in a relationship (as long as you don't nag and whinge constantly of course! :D).

[chantellebeeching]

i do realise when we argue i just didn't think it was serious enough for people to comment on it. kinda just shocked i guess. he has tried to help by giving me a couple of phone numbers to call its just me getting to know them first i didnt want to seem pushy and in their face if you get me. just didn't like the 'you live for it' comment.

[Naomi]

i do realise when we argue i just didn't think it was serious enough for people to comment on it. kinda just shocked i guess. he has tried to help by giving me a couple of phone numbers to call its just me getting to know them first i didnt want to seem pushy and in their face if you get me. just didn't like the 'you live for it' comment.
Not sure if I'm misunderstanding, but if he's given you phone numbers to call about your feelings? you getting upset/angry? then maybe he feels like you are upset a lot and may have mentioned to his mates which is why they felt ok to comment? I don't know - just taking a guess but I really do think you need to talk to him about it and see what he thinks.

Also, with the arguing, it might not be 'serious' arguing or serious issues, but if it's just constant or frequent arguing over insignificant things, or the same things over and over it is probably worth trying to resolve those issues now before it does become a constant thing.

[Denise]

Are you arguing in front of his friends or is your bf having a whinge to his friends and thats why they have mentioned it. Arguing out in public or in front of your friends is a real turn off. I must say that socialising with couples who constantly bicker is really embarassing and annoying for the people who have to put up with it. If your bf is just having a whinge to his friends I think its quite odd that they have taken it upon themselves to mention it to you unless your bf asked them to:dk: Either way I agree with the ladies that you need to talk to your bf about it. And just remember there is no rule that says you have to be friends with his friends,I suppose it helps abit but is no real biggy :)

[Mad Old Cow]

I was just thinking Denise said that to argue infront of people is annoying & embarrassing & to be totally honest it gets to be so bloody boring as well, i know a couple of young ones that do this infront of their friends & the friends have said that they are so sick & bored with being around these people & they are laughing behind their backs at their carry on.

[chantellebeeching]

to my knowledge we've only had one public fight because him and his mate were being really rude so i just walked off cuz i didn't want to listen to them. and another time his mate (the one that told me i live for it) was carrying on about me not trusting my bf if he went out with the boys..i know he's only joking but he's the kinda person that just pushes you and pushes you until you burst then wonders why you're offended so i just walked away but thats about it. yeah will talk to the bf..not just yet cuz he's had a friend tradgically pass away so prob not the best time.

[miss kiki]

first of all, i have to agree with the other ladies..OH, and of course that i think his friend is a bit immature..ok, ALOT immature! but then again boys mature later than us ladies, so i guess he has another few years to go! :hehe:
i remember being in a relationship and my ex boyfriends friends seemed to not like me at all. it just makes you feel very uncomfortable..especially if they look at you in that way, so i know how you feel. :yes: i always tell my DF, why fight when we're just going to end up laughing about it in a few hours time or whatever? i told him i'm done fighting and taking things so seriously..i laughed about it almost right after, but it took him a few hours to get over it and come give me a hug..this was on valentine's day..i just removed myself from him and did my own thing, which was lovely, lol. so maybe try not to get yourself so worked up. it's obviously affecting you, him, your relationship, and also your friends. :yes:
i also feel like your relationship is your business and no one else's..so they shouldn't really involve themselves with you two and should BUTT out. :yes:

[leelee]

sorry hun i have no advice but i want to give you :hug::hug::hug:
(my hubby's friends and family think im a sour faced bitch,but unfortunately so are they and its not a good looking photo when we are at functions etc, even though after 15 years of this crap i do try just to smile a lot more but then they ask why am i smiling hmmmmmm i just cant win)

[chantellebeeching]

i have come to realise that this friend of his is extremely immature. my bf had previously mentioned that he cant trust him anymore. 4 months ago his gf of 4 yrs left him and he's desperate to find a new gf...like desperate! he also mentioned that they never ever fought..which is good but i dont think its that healthy..obviously she had one too many things bottling up and couldn't take it anymore...and he sees the occassional arguement with us and thinks its weird???
thats strange they ask you why are you smiliing if thats wat they want you to do???

[miss kiki]

very immature! :yes: well, then you know his friend has problems, so don't let it get to you. keep your chin up! :)

[Rachel]

Chantelle this reminds me a lot of my ex boyfriends mates when we were first together... I was about 18-19. In that case they were jealous that their mate was spending so much time with me instead of them. We all ended up becoming good friends though. I think it was a maturity thing on their part too. Good Luck :)

[lizisme]

Sounds to me like he's trying to cause trouble. I agree with Rachel - maybe he's jealous. When he gets himself another gf he won't want to spend near as much time with your bf as he does now and he won't be so concerned with your relationship (which is none of his business anyway).

I hope you find yourself a nice friend or two who you can spend some girly time with.