PDA

View Full Version : My Husbands Family




lucyloo
17-02-2008, 04:19 PM
Hi Ladies, I need some advice.
I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years (married 16 of those).:D
Very early on in the relationship, my DHs older brother decided he didn't like me, I usedto stick up for myself, and therefore we would have bouts of confrontation. Thank God my DH didn't listen to him, although through the early years of our reltionship, there was alot of termoil.:(
My Dh is 1 of 5, and 4 of his brothers and sisters all live within 15 minutes of us. We really don't have a real lot to do with his family, we do see his mum and dad quite a bit, but sometimes its just too hard to get together with the rest of them, there are always arguments, and it is just too exhausting.
My problem is that tonight we are all going out for dinner to celebrate my DH's father birthday. My stomach is already in knots. There are always snide remarks made towards me, and I know that I am already sensitive and probably a bit to emotional. I get really hurt if anything is aimed at my children, which there quite often is, as they know that gets to me.:hmmf:
Should I get my back up, I feel guilty about asking DH to do it for me, as then he will argue with his family, once again over me (although it has been alot of years since that happened, and it probably is mainly only one brother).:dk:
I just which I could sit at home and let my family go in and have tea, but I do really love his mother and father, so it is very hard.:blink:
So what do I do ladies, grow some backbone and confront him, or sit and ignore, and because he is a bit of a bully, he does usually move onto someone else........HELP.




Mad Old Cow
17-02-2008, 04:28 PM
oh gee LL i have been through this with DH family about 35 yrs ago i told DH straight up that if i did'nt feel welcome at family do's then i would leave & at times i just let that particular family member know ahead of time that we would'nt be going because i was'nt going to be made to feel like shit for any of them & my DH was great he told them from the start as well if they did'nt treat me like the rest of the family then they could get stuffed. you have to do what you want to do LL but whatever you choose please don't let anyone of them make you feel less a person you are as good as them & probably much better. if you do go, go with your head up high & just sit near the ones you like & forget thay yhe others are even there

Cherie
17-02-2008, 04:34 PM
How about memorising some one liners, to just shoot at them if they upset you..
You know like Oh you haven't been dieting much I see.
Or gee, still so thin you have to run around in the shower to get wet?LMAO LMAO (joking)
My BIL has been a pain in the proverbial.. for over 30 years, but I've got it all over him now.LMAO

lucyloo
17-02-2008, 05:36 PM
Thanks for your wise words girls.
How funny C. I'm not too quick on the thinking unfortunately.LMAO
I will go tonight, and I will hold my head high (thanks Di), and I WILL NOT let him put shit on me nor my family.
I'm sounding tough, aren't I, hope I can keep it up- I'll let you know.:D

Naomi
17-02-2008, 06:55 PM
One of the best suggestions I ever heard as a comeback to a rude comment was to say "Wow, do you realise you actually said that out aloud?". I plan to use it if I ever get brave enough! It hurts though, even when you try not to let it get to you. Try to be the better person and let it slide. Hope it's not as bad as you are fearing.

Di Nana
17-02-2008, 08:39 PM
Its a shame this brother of your husbands can't be mature and shut his mouth when all out together, does he not think much of his dad that he would let his rudeness ruin a lovely family birthday celebration , don't stoop to his level LucyLoo, let him make a fool of himself but not you. who knows deep down he is probably jealous of his brother having such a nice wife :hehe:
Hope you have a nice evening and hope your hubby's Dad does to

lucyloo
17-02-2008, 09:39 PM
Thanks everyone, your positive suggestions really helped me tonight. He was actually quite well behaved for a change!!:D
I have had my hair cut off, and he even commented on how nice it looked! Maybe he read that I had a different energy tonight.
You are right Di Nana, I shouldn't stoop to his level cause that will only make me feel bad in the end. I will keep being nice, I will be seeing alot of DH's family, as they are organising a surprise 50th wedding anniversary for their parents.:yes:
Naomi- I am sure in the weeks to come, there are going to be plenty of opportunities to mention that little saying!:hehe:I am going to stash that one in the back of my mind.....

Di Nana
18-02-2008, 07:14 AM
Pleased all went well for the family and you, well he might finally be growing up LucyLoo. Hope he continues on with this better behaviour towards you :yes:

miss kiki
18-02-2008, 07:16 AM
wow, i feel for you..i really do. i'm now VERY glad DF is the only child, even though he gets along great with my siblings and feels like that's his own siblings..
i definitely agree with di nana..i honestly wouldn't be able to take it..not for as long as you've been taken all those harsh words from his brother. how immature and rude can you be?! i'm glad though that everything went well. hopefully it'll stay that way! :)

Mad Old Cow
18-02-2008, 08:05 AM
I'm so pleased you enjoyed your night LL, i wonder if someone had had a word to him lol

leelee
18-02-2008, 09:16 AM
hi hun, i deal with all that crap from my IL's (all of them not one nice person in his whole family)
we had my FIL's 60th yesterday and when they were like omg you got fat, why did you dye your hair red :tyeo: instead of letting them get in my face i just smiled and sort of said things like yeah i know,that shut them up and then they left me alone, that and the fact it was at a winery and i was happy from the wine and not even they could bring me down. best of luck with everything hun:hug: