Bullying

[maryls]

Firstly I must apologise if this seems long winded but I just had to get it off my chest and hopefully someone can relate to what My family and I are going through because we four are close and what affects one affects all

My youngest daughter just started High school (YR 8)
Unfortunately we had to send her to a different school than my eldest daughter
She is fitting in well but the problem she faces is some of the boys from the old school are attending this school and still harass her. She has reached the point now where the hurtful words and actions are really getting to her
The teachers don't seem to be able to control this group from what I can gather as they have already split them up in class
She is angry and frustrated at the situation because she thought she had left that all behind her.
The previous school is a Catholic school and the children that she came across were quite nasty towards her
She had a bad 3 years at the school.
The teachers at the previous school were useless and I seemed to either email, phone or attend only to complain :tyeo:
Yet my other daughter has no issues but she is alot tougher and will give you what for and she has a great group of friends she associates with which I am greatful for.
My youngest just never seemed to fit in because she is unique by this I mean she has her own style of doing things. She doesn't want to dress/act like everyone else and her preferred sport is Hockey of which she happens to be the goalie (see what I mean) and also the fact that at 12 she was 5'9" which made the children think she was easy pickings (ehat is it whith people they see a tall person and think they are made of steel and have no feelings??)x(
She is the sweetest girl (and I'm not saying this because she is my daughter) and it pains me to see her upset
This morning she said to me maybe she wasn't destined to go to school at all. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT???
Has anyone been through anything like this?
All the things we have done don't seem to work my next step is to go to the principal but before that time we have to go up the line before we reach the top and we are not even half way through the list
I really didn't think that I would have to go through it all over again. but what else can I do
One good thing though is that she has made so many new friends and actually been invited to birthdays which hasn't happened in a long time and the best part about it is the fact they have accpeted her for WHO she is rather than HOW she is :y::fx:
BTW she is now 6' at 13 and I am proud of her and my eldest daughter

[Barbara]

Maryls, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having a rough time with these boys.

I can't offer you a solution other than to speak to the Principal directly. Surely the school have some sort of bullying policy that they can deal with the boys and get it sorted out quickly. It's great that she is making friends and being invited to parties - that is certainly a step in the right direction for her and will really help with her confidence. It's the boys that need to do some serious growing up x(

I really hope you can sort it out with the principal and that the school gives you their full support.

Please keep us updated and let us know how you go :)

[maryls]

Maryls, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having a rough time with these boys.

I can't offer you a solution other than to speak to the Principal directly. Surely the school have some sort of bullying policy that they can deal with the boys and get it sorted out quickly. It's great that she is making friends and being invited to parties - that is certainly a step in the right direction for her and will really help with her confidence. It's the boys that need to do some serious growing up x(

I really hope you can sort it out with the principal and that the school gives you their full support.

Please keep us updated and let us know how you go :)

Thankyou Barbara
I will see what happens at school today and take it from there
I will keep you up to date on the outcome which I hope is not too far
I think I just needed to blow off some steam.
Thanks for listening (reading in this case) :D

[kezabelle]

It's such a hard situation as it really is impossible to police in the playground, etc. The only thing I can suggest (other than what you are already doing with the school - don't stop that!) is that you try to teach her some strategies to cope. There are some wonderful programs 'out there'. There's one I've forgotten the name for (someone might be able to help "mind something") - it has workshops you and your daughter can attend or work books to buy and work through. It is currently recommended by the world Health Organisation. I'll think of the name soon, I'm sure... But, the best thing for your daughter is to find ways to cope with the situation - I know it's not helpful when all you hear is 'just tell them to stop', 'stay away from them', etc. Keep talking to her and the school and hopefully someone can offer some better advice - but I would highly recommend the program I just mentioned.

[Mad Old Cow]

Maryls, i have heard of this so much & i was one that copped it at school too i was tall & skinny but i have 2 nieces that are over 6ft & one wighs 48kilo & the other 54kilo they are gorgeous looking girls & are so proud of their height & i know they are bloody thing but they don't look anerexic.
I would go straight to the Principal when it's your kids always start at the top Meryls never feel you have to start at the bottom. if i were you i would also seek a councellor for her to help her to deal with these shit head kids that are picking on her, the school will have a councellor there as well my 11 yr old GD goes to a school councellor but for totally different reason.
I hope you get to sort this out Meryls bullying can stuff a kids life up. just insist on them doing something & making whatever they do work & don't let them think you will back off.
Good luck to you & your DD

[Mesmereyes]

This is a touh one , and i know as my son gets bullied well not as much now but it is still very hurtful, it seems bullies pick on kids for no reason, your daughter being tall is pathetic for them to do this, my son is on the chubby side and gets called names really only by 3 boys so I took it in to my own hands as the school tried but it only lasted a few weeks, so I waited for these boys at a shopping centre where I know they hang out on weekends and took my eldest son with me and his dad who is a security officer in his uniform with me and in a nice manner said to these boys why do u have a promblem with my son they said oh we dont all the time looking at my husband he is 6 foot 2 my eldest son then said well if u pick on my brother u will deal with me next time he is only 16 and quite small but it worked he is bully free, so maybe u know someone that could do that as well. Good luck

[mel76]

WARNING: long post too, SORRY
Oh god i can so relate to how you are feeling as a parent when your child goes through this.
Our son right through primary school suffered at the hands of Bullies, He never went out in the playground until year 5 & that was only with help from his great teacher (we swaped schools when he was 1/2 way through year 4 as the bullying got so bad the kids had him in headlocks hitting him & the teachers did nothing) he has now just started high school (year7) & it started again with these 3 kids in particular, for 3 weeks he tried really hard to ignore it, then for another 2 weeks he started having comebacks for them & then it started getting pysical they were in english one day & the teacher took them out for a drink of water & one kid came up from behind & the other picked up an apple core & threw it at his face.
WAS NOT IMPRESSED being sick of ringing the primary school & just getting excuses i told hubby to ring the princile. He rang the school spoke to the Deputy Principle at 1.40pm he was nice & said i'll talk to your son & see whats happened then i'll deal with it.
Our son get's home & said i had a speak with the teacher today & he called the other 3 boys out.... They are now on a suspension warning 1 more wrong move towards my son & there out of there for 2 weeks! when one of the boys got back to class he said "i'm not supposed to talk to you but i'm very sorry"
I think he may have been packing it scared of his parents, as when they go on a suspension warning letters go home to their parents & the deputy principle rings the parents......
This is the punishment i was wanting as these kids need to know it's not on, & being a parent if any of my kids done this to another i would want to know, & trust me i would deal with it!
Hope you get it sorted! Make them contact the parents, ask for a meeting with the parents, kids & principle
If there's a Councillor in the school get your daughter to talk to them it helps them my son is always talking to his!!!
thinking of you & your family

[Heather]

It sucks doesn't it....and at that age, for the bullying to come from the boys must make her feel even worse.
Dependant upon the type of bullying of course, but I'm sure the term sexual harassment would send any school principal scurrying to find a final solution to the problem.
Forget going through the correct channels.....this problem is a carry over from her previous school where the staff failed in their Duty of Care to your daughter and it needs to be addressed now by a united and collaborative effort of school and parents. You both have a legal responsibility to that girl and being still early in the school year, now is a good time. Make free use of the highlighted words so that the Principal is in no doubt as to your intention. It would also be a good idea the ensure that your daughters year advisor is at the meeting.
While I do not advocate a young girl wearing makeup to school, I would think that a new WOW haistyle, maybe dying her eyelashes and some slightly tinted lip gloss might give her an edge as well as some confidence.
Good luck.....and keep us in the loop.

[mel76]

i forgot to add in my previous post, DON'T go through the order the school wants you to go through go straight to the principle or deputy, we didn't go through the proper channels as the boys took it way to far....
He get's teased as he's the youngest, his hair everything, it's so stupid & yet at that age they should know right from wrong!
If you don't get the answer you & your family deserve go to the education department, this needs to be stopped & NOW!!!

[maryls]

Finally got somewhere.
Spoke to the home group teacher and gave a list of the boys that were harassing my dd and when the end of the lesson came the boys were held back.
God knows what she said to them but they won't even make eye contact with dd.
Know I just hope this lasts longer that a couple of weeks??

[Heather]

That's good....how is your DD now?

[Barbara]

That's fantastic :) Will keep my :fx: for you and your DD. I hope things settle down for her now.

[maryls]

That's good....how is your DD now?

When she came home on Friday she was much happier :y:
The big test will be today when I pick her up to see if they have left her alone.
Will keep everyone informed :)

[lizisme]

I hope she's had a good day and that these idiot boys continue to leave her alone. They're going to be so sorry when they get older, she'll probably be a stunner and they won't even get a look in with her or her friends.

[jaylar]

A friend of mine had the same problem, but with her son.

My advice was to move him to a different school.
I'll tell you why.

1) Being bullied is not something one 'has to' learn to 'deal with'.

In real life if you annoyed me, depending on the level, I would
either a) call the police, b) sue your butt off.

In Real Life, people don't bully others because in Real Life there
are REal Consequences.

2) The only purpose of school is to teach academic subjects

In Real Life if you want to learn how to operate a plane you
go to a school which teaches that. It doesn't teach hairstyles,
it doesn't teach how to be ridiculed, it teaches the subject
you pay to learn.

A School building is no longer necessary for a child to learn.
The rise of Home Schooling, the information on the Internet
makes the classroom second best.

3) High School is 'life changing'.

In many cases the experiences one has in High School stay with
them forever. The boy who was the football hero, the girl who
was class queen, the geek in the back, the fat girl, the runty
one, the big hulk, the future of these kids, is shaped in High
School.

Where it's a neutral experience, that is one thing. When
it is torment, that is another.

4) Children need school for socialisation

This has been proven wrong in every single case save those
where children are locked in cellars.

Children socialiise in sports, at the supermarket, at parties,
on the street. School is not the only place where they
meet people.

Further, television has moved into the lives of children to
the extent they are just as likely to copy something they
saw on TV as they saw in the classroom.


There is absolutely nothing one learns from being bullied except
to think bad of themselves, to see the world as dangerous and
hostile, to induce a shyness and/or a need to fight back.

Change schools.