How do you deal..?

[Monty]

With MIL's, FIL's and the 'other' family when you have conflicting interests?

For instance my OH and I have been together for 5 years and his family still view us as just a 'casual' relationship.. I want us to be married but OH is scared of the whole divorce rate thing happening.. I think its something else. But anyway his family are pretty well off, mine aren't, his family are really into doing family things, mine are definitely NOT, different religions etc... I want to marry this man but i really don't know if I can cope with his family and them 'making me fit in to their lifestyle' and I just can't see us getting married infront of them...Eloping sounds like an awesome idea...

[Pam]

Interfering families ..nothing worse!


Elope and move far, far away!

[Naomi]

I find it interesting that your OH is concerned by the divorce rate. I think after 5 years together, if the relationship breaks down it would be just as painful as if a marriage broke down.

Our families have similarities and differences but I am very lucky in that his family welcomed me with open arms (I love my MIL very much). I think we both have similar issues with MY family but that's another story.

In spite of all this, I found our wedding to be a stressful experience and at the time wish we'd just done the elopement thing. (People say, oh but you want to have a nice occasion to look back on - actually, I don't even know where our photos are, and my memory of the day is kind of hazy anyway).

Maybe you can plan a nice holiday and have a civil ceremony or something. Simple, but beautiful. (Although you may find you are damned if you do, damned if you don't - and his family will be unhappy either way! But this is not about them, it's about you and your OH).

Oh, and then move far, far away.

Edited to answer your Q! I'll use my family as the example - we live far away from them! My family are not especially close so we have occasional phone calls. Now that we have Hugo I do go and visit more frequently than before, because I want Hugo to know them, too - but in general we just don't see much of them.

[Monty]

Thanks Naomi. First of all that is what I said about a relationship breaking down after 5 years... it would be the same if we were married (well to me anyway)... I don't know why he thinks it is going to change everything.

His family were very nice to me and I actually lived with them during my uni years and I was very very grateful for all that they had done to me.. But there are still the differences, so maybe it is just me because I come from another broken family and its too easy for me to find the negatives... :(

OH says he wants to get married in front of his parents (exactly opposite to what I want LOL) plus atm his sister in the UK is getting married and they are all going over there for it at the end of the year (I'm not) so all the focus is on them at the moment... Everyone is taking them seriously to get married because they are both well off, and they love their SIL-to-be, but with OH and I they wouldn't take us seriously in a million years! I think because of this wedding in November OH has another excuse for us not getting married.

Hehe funny thing is his parents live in Adelaide (we are in Brisbane) but they come up so often to Brisbane that we still see them a lot. His sister moved out from the UK about a year ago and so OH's mother gives OH the guilt trip about moving....'Your sister just moved out here.. You haven't seen her for such and such a time...' :roll: It kind of makes me sick as I am not close with my family at all and I actually haven't seen them in about a year (they only live about 3 hours away too).

Also OH is in his first year of an electric apprenticeship so I don't know if he could transfer if we moved... Argh, I'm not making excuses for him am I?

Blah.

[MissieK]

I have a Jewish MIL!! Our wedding was quite stressful in that we worked hard to be sensitive to the Out Laws.

We now live too close to MIL :(

I avoid her as much as I can...

Melissa

[Michelle]

My MIL and i have so many disagreements i don't know where to start and at one point we were actually living in her house during my pregnancy and when we were organising our wedding etc... boy was that bad! And not to mention when i came home with Isabella....apparently i done evrything wrong and i was "ashamed" of feeding in front of her and baby was too fat and throwing up because i wasn't burping her properly and i should bathe her everyday at the same time and she should always have a blanket over her no matter how hot it is and no taking her for walks in the pram because its too hot and she'll cry too much and i'll be embarassed and on top of all that i was so stressed out and depressed that my milk dryed up so i had to put her onto formula and that just started another whole big thing too ohhhhh....

Sorry guys....i couldn't stop writing there :tyeo: , she just gets me so angry and frustrated!!

We're in our own place now and i'm so happy!! :) but just quietly.... she come over and knocks on the door but i hide... hehehe ;)

[floria]

Me and Trev went on holidays and came back home married. We planned it that way just no one else knew except the travel agent.

I have a brother and sister who have been previously married and went through messy divorces. I'm not really a white wedding, big reception kinda girl. So money we would have spent on a big wedding went on our honeymoon.

My parents were ok when we came home and told them the news. Trev's mum didn't take it very well, she reminds me every now and then that I deprived her of her first born's wedding????

Our marriage is a multi cultural in that I am an ABC (Aust born chinese) and Trev is an aussie.

At the end of the day, we did what we wanted. And if no one likes it, that's their problem.

[mel35]

ahhhhh families :P

My MIL rang my hubby in Feb to tell him there was a dead rat in her house and could he please come now and get rid of it. We live 1 hour away and couldn't go that day as we had the kids soccer games and running canteen & bbq all day, so MIL hung up on him and refuses to speak to us. We have left messages on her answering machine, tried to ring her for her birthday she has done the same thing to hubby's sister and hasn't had any contact with her for 18 months now.

Her hubby died 2 1/2years ago after spending 4 days in a coma. She rang us up when he went into the coma, we immediately dropped the kids off with friends and spent 4 days with her at the hospital. After he died we spent every 2nd weekend with her to help out as much as we could, we take her to doctors appointments, shopping etc and this is how she repays hubby.

We have decided next Monday when all the kids are at school we will just turn up on her doorstep.


When we got married hubby's mum and dad who had been divorced for abut 20 years sat together and behaved themselves luckily. MILs hubby didn't come- which was his choice. In those days we got on really well with MIL, FIL and step FIL.
Do what you want to do and what you can live with. Good Luck

[Monty]

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, I guess I could be worse off...

We are all different in our ideas, our appearance, everything and I just wish people would accept it and not be so blooming hot headed and stubborn... But those people will always exist I guess.. You just have to live with it.

[Pam]

Sigh, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family! How true!