Prob a really stupid ? that i should know the answer to

[Marina]

how do you know when you like someone?? i mean i have liked guys before but can't think of the time when i saw them as just other ppl and then i decided i liked them... it has been this way with most of my relationships... i find out they like me yet i always act uninterested to the point where the guy is about ready to give up and then i change my mind (or maybe i change it before then and i am just testing to see if they really do like me first... oh i don't know)... it has kind of been bugging me for some time now and i don't know why... maybe it is because i have been single for so long and i think deep down maybe i have forgotten how to decide whether i like someone or not or is it one of those things that sort of builds up and then you think oh geez i might actually like this person when i haven't seen it this whole time... i think i over analyse things too much and its prob what i am doing in this situation.
ok main question as asked before^^

[Julia]

Well I think you have to have a certain chemistry. I've got male friends who I get along with really well, love their sense of humour (important to me), their morals & we just think along similar lines but if I don't find them attractive (and I don't mean movie star good looks) then it doesn't work. I've turned "friendships" into something more based on just getting on well with the person & it hasn't worked because I've just not been able to find the person attractive.

So to summarise, getting along well, plus physical attraction :)

Having said that, there's a new guy at my work who's just not attractive in the typical way, and he barely talks to me & I find him incredibly attractive. I think with him it's his smile...he just has an incredibly kind smile & I'm a sucker for that. But it would never amount to more than that because a) we don't have a lot in common & we're both married with kids. LOL.

[Naomi]

I hate that answer "Oh, you just know" and I used to roll my eyes when anyone said it to me. Funny thing is, when I met/started going out with (now) husband, I did 'just know'. Sad, but true.

For me, being friends is important. Yes, you also need to be attracted to them, this is really important, but I do think (certainly in my experience) having friendship as a basis is what makes it last. I can honestly say DH is my best friend (and yes, i also used to roll my eyes when other people said that). So for me, a combination of being friends and being attracted to the other person. (In short, what Julia said, lol).

(Oh, and for me, a sure sign of being attracted to someone in the beginning stages was butterflies in the stomach, loss of appetite, lack of concentration ... sounds awful, doesn't it, but also one of the best feelings in the world!)

[Marina]

thanks guys for your posts... its just a weird type of situation... one i have sort of been in before and the guy in ? is now married...so yeah that def didn't work... nothing really happened other than i kissed him once when i was up there... they live about 5 hrs away from me... but this situation is kind of diff nothing has happened with the guy but i feel like such an idiot everytime i come home and find myself thinking about him out of the blue which is weird... get along really well together so far and don't really want to push things... haven't spoken to him a great deal i guess... i think i am just scared.... i have spoken to ppl at work about it and they wondered why i am scared... my track record isn't brilliant (like i suppose others aren't either) but always look at the negatives in my relationships i have had rather than the positives etc.
this would have been typed on CW but my sister would have read it... noone else, other than ppl at work and another friend of mine who doesn't know the guy, knows what is going on in my mind... i think i have tried to fob him off a little by round about saying i wasn't interested that way... didn't say it to him but told my cousin... i met the guy for like 5 mins and because i have been single for so long i have been really picky about who i like etc... but then when i look back on it all none of my ex's or other guys i have picked up have been anything brilliant.

i know what you mean julia about the friendships thing... i have declared i would never be with any of my male friends and have so far kept that... its weird because i have never looked at them in that way and don't think i ever could... but naomi i have heard that some of the best relationships started out as friendships... its just too hard to know.
grrr... thanks for letting me get this off my chest... i think i now know that i do possibly like him because why would i care usually what did or did not happen in a situation like this.