Letter to my pets

[Patricia]

I thought all you pet lovers might like this one! Patricia


The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other

dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in

the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming

your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the

slightest.



The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating

me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I

fall faster than you can run.



I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry

about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure

your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they

sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other

stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking

tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to

maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.



For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by

some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw

under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the

same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for

years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.



The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!



To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our

front door:



Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:



1. They live here. You don't.



2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)



3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.



4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who

is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and

cats are better than kids ....they eat less, don't ask for money all the

time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your

car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't

worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,

and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get

pregnant, you can sell the children.

[Pam]

You've written that especially for my three

[linxss]

LOL I love it!!! I might put those rules up in my house!

[Monty]

That was awesome Patricia, I'm going to e-mail that to my buddies :pam:

[Patricia]

Yes isn't it lovely? Unfortunately I was not clever enough to write it...I heard it on ABC radio and then downloaded it from their site as I just knew that all the animal lovers in here would love it just as much as I did.

Enjoy! Patricia

[psych-Empower]

Thanks Patricia, that was fantastic

[Naomi]

I love the bit about putting the notice on the door for non-pet owning visitors. I'm tempted to use that bit myself.

[Jewly]

That is so good!!!

Thanks for posting it Patricia.

[MissieK]

That's fantastic

Melissa