Calling all Mums, Nurses, people that know about Babies and well... everyone!

[Binx]

OK... On Monday morning I was completely mentally deficient. I got a SMS from my friend who was pregnant.
My friend has a very difficult time carrying babies’ full term. She's already had two prems that died soon after birth.
But currently there are about 7 women that I know who are pregnant, incl. my friends SIL.
So I get a SMS and being at work I drift my eyes over it & think "Oh, that's nice my friend's SIL has had her baby."
Last night a friend in common calls and leaves a message with my BF... "How is Sally* after delivering baby - where is she? Can't contact her at the hospital number you gave me."
I was like WTF! And go re-read my SMS - yep, is says my friends married name and not her maiden name which is her SIL's last name... So... I went into "Arrrghhhh I'm so f'ing stupid" mode and attempt to contact my friend at the hospital and on her mobile... no luck... so last ditch I contact her house number & her husband answers. Nicest guy in the world, slightly odd but whose not, she's like "Um, let me see if she's awake..." >mumble mumble in the background< "Nah, she's out of it." (As my friend is a PCA at an aged care facility and mostly works night shifts, when she's asleep she is asleep.) I was like, yeah right... I've obviously very much upset her... and I debased myself on the phone to the husband... but I didn't wanna ask too many questions because my friend knows that I'm mentally deficient in the etiquette department - but her husband, not so much.

ANYWAY... My friend was due on May 21. She delivered late Sunday night. Is the baby too prem to be alive?

[jenr]

You lost me a bit mate? So the baby was born Sunday night and was due in May is that right?
If thats the case and the baby is still alive thats good as the first few days are the most risky it has now been 4 days.

[Naomi]

YES! The baby can survive ... sorry, I'm used to hearing weeks gestation so I'm trying to count backwards ... she's what, about 12 weeks early? Certainly baby can survive if there arent' many/any other complications. Girls for some reason cope better with prematurity (but even a boy at 12 weeks early can survive). I think the youngest prems I've heard of (in Aus) are around 24 weeks gest, so 16 weeks early. She will be in for a long haul in the NICU (neonatal ICU) though, the next few months will be seriously hard for them.

Good luck to your friend and her little one. xx

(If it helps, babies born at 28 weeks/ or 12 weeks early have a survival rate of 80%. Obviously the longer past that, the better the rates. Assuming no other issues).

[Cherie]

It sounds awfully early to me Mal..but if she has a history of it, she may have lost it.
I wouldn't blame myself if I were you..she would be sleeping a lot I would imagine after such a trauma..
Although it has been known babies have survived at seven months. Which I certainly hope is the case here. Let us know when you find out.

[Heather]

I think it is going to be a long haul for the three of them....the last trimester are when the baby's organs especially the lungs start to mature and he/she starts to put on a layer of fat, ready for birth.

Must be heartbreaking and you do not have to be maternal at all to show your support. If the baby made it, most of their day will be spent at the hospital, so maybe cook some meals for them, let them rabbit on about bubs because talking about the experience helps. Don't feel you have to offer any opinions or positive thoughts. Should they be unfortunate to have lost their little one, let them talk, let them cry and always acknowledge their baby's existence.
Do you have shared friends that could clarify the situation for you?

[lucyloo]

Maliss, your poor friend.

My nephew was born at 27 weeks, and that was 16 years ago. He survived and is a totally normal teenager now. Although at first it was scary, and he spent a lot of time in hospital for his lungs to mature.

I suppose the first few days are vital to the baby. I hope the poor little thing pulls through.

[Binx]

I still can't get in contact with her; I do know that she had steroid injections to help develop the baby's lungs - that was about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

Sorry about the weeks thing - because I don't have kids I don't really understand how important it is to explain things in weeks. Nor do I understand why people say their child is eighteen months old and not a year and a half... anyway, that's superfluous.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone to contact who would be able to help me identify the situation. I thought about calling the hospital; but felt that this would be an invasion of privacy.

This particular friend has been exceptionally great over the last year or so; she helped me through a really big down cycle & when my parents left then when my Dad died. She's such a great friend and I really feel like I've let her down- which isn't the type of friendship that I normally offer.

But I don't know whether to rock around with nappies in congratulations or flowers in commiseration.

[Heather]

Rock around with flowers Maliss....they're good for any occasion.

[eLL85]

Maybe send an email or a text. Explain what you said to us that you've done wrong and you know it.

[Perfectly Precious]

Yep a pretty good survival rate...(due same date as me) I'd send her a huge bunch of flowers just for her and maybe some choccys. I would then a few days later send her a special keepsake for the baby - a nice photo frame would be good so even if the worst happens she still has something to use and remember the baby