When do the apron strings get cut?

[Mad Old Cow]

I agree with Cherie, i think mothers that wont let go have nothing happening in their own life so try to hang on but they are doing more damage to their son .
I know a few mummys boys & their mothers are so boring to listen to .
Personally i think at age 18 they need to let them grow up & get a life without their mothers wanting to drop everything to do for them.
Maliss it must be hard for you at times the way his mother is i think you have both done well (you & Princess) to not let her get between you

[Naomi]

Heather, can I ask why you don't encourage him to be more independent even though he lives at home? Wouldn't the transition to moving out be easier if he already has household skills and is responsible for getting himself to and from places? I hope this doesn't sound too nosy, and of course it's not something I've had to deal with yet, but in my family growing up we were responsible for getting ourselves to places, for cooking a meal for the family a couple of times a week, and contributing to the housework as well as paying board from the time we were in our mid-teens. Moving out (necessary for me, to go to uni) was a big enough 'adventure' without then having to learn all those 'running a household' basics. Would living with him be easier if he had more responsibility? (Sorry, not prying for details - I'm just trying to project where I see myself going with my kids, and especially my son ... kind of a 'sharing experiences' thing if that makes sense).

FWIW I think the situation between Maliss' bf and his mother quite different, she obviously doesn't want to let go (and seems oblivious to the fact that he doesn't cherish her interference!).

My philosophy is that cutting the apron strings is a long, drawn out process. I recently realised I do far more for my nearly 6 year old (son, oldest child) than I do for his younger sister which is partly his personality too ... but I am really trying to get him to be more independent. I can see how easy it would be to continue to do everything though. I live in fear of becoming one of 'those' MILs and hope that at least I'm aware of it so it's less likely to happen?!

[SocialGirl]

There definitely appears to be a stronger-hold between mum and boys than girls(not all cases obviously).... I see and hear it so often and it baffles me. I saw it between my mum and brother... there was tt special bond unlike the one between her and I which was special but somehow different

[redrobyn]

My daughter has already started with getting my nine year old grandson to do chores around the house if there is something that he's capable in his age group of doing he has to do it..my stepson could cook a meal when he was nine or ten and both boys were more than capable at that age to change my daughters nappy or feed her when my stepson moved back home in his late teens always did his own washing and stripped and made his bed..the older one that passed away wasn't as ready to do housework but he could do it when it was needed..my d.d. doesn't give in for the sake of peace even if you're tempted when they don't do a good job it has to start early or they just take advantage which is human nature.

[Heather]

Yes I started making jobs around the house "fun" for Sam when he was @ 7yo....but lately I feel that I am being taken advantage of......things just don't get done no matter how many times I remind him and if I feel that the cat is entitled to clean litter then I have to do it myself. There is lots of yelling at the moment, which Rosie is terrified of and I always feel that if I can't get my point across without screaming then I never will.
Unfortunately, I think he is a manipulator, just like my XMIL, just like his Dad.

[Naomi]

Are there things you can just stop doing that will affect what he wants without impacting on you (like him being responsible for his own laundry, or just not cooking a meal a few nights a week so he has to fend for himself, or putting all his mess into garbage bags rather than actually putting it away for him) so he even gets an idea of how much you're doing for him?

I hear you on the yelling though. I guess some things stay the same no matter what age they are.

[Heather]

I no longer do his washing unless it has been put in the laundry, I no longer iron his clothes...I do still tidy up after him but all his stuff is put on his bed, no longer cook for him during the week, I stopped taking him to Centrelink appointments because he slept in...oh about two weeks ago......but I will pick him up late at night. And I put my hand out for $40 of his payments each fortnight in board (leaves him with $100 per week).
Perhaps not enough for some....but it's a start.

[Naomi]

I'm sure once he gets a job and moves out he'll realise what a good wicket he was on at home (don't we all!).

[Mad Old Cow]

I'm sure once he gets a job and moves out he'll realise what a good wicket he was on at home (don't we all!).

No
My dad loved us & we all knew it but he made sure we all did our bit mum left home when my brother was 9 & i was almost 12 & dad cooked & did our washing but we helped in everyway we could & i know i am a better person for it

[Cherie]

Stay firm H. He may be sorry one day when he finds out life isn't all cake and cream..